What Wicked Games We Play
by AllorNothingKR
Summary: Bella & Edward fall into a unique relationship, full of competition, lust, jealousy and greed. Bella gives up everything & everyone for him and he takes all he can from her in return. A tragic incident changes the dynamics of their relationship, forever.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: So, this story has been in the works for a long time. I'm finally starting to post it. Please note, the story does contain adult content. A lot of it. There are pairings other than just BxE, but it is ultimately a BxE story. It will be vulgar at times and extremely x-rated. There will be no shortage of lust and jealously, and eventually love. The first half of this story, I'm ashamed to say, is mostly based on real life events, but mine didn't have a happy ending. **

**The chapters will be a little short for now and will usually go back and forth between Edward and Bella. **

**The banner is on my profile. **

**Enjoy.**

What Wicked Games We Play

**CHAPTER 1:**

**The Beginning **

**(Bella)**

I really don't even know how it all started. It was just one thing at a time, and then it just kept getting more and more intense. Sometimes I felt like I didn't even know myself anymore. I used to be a good girl, for the most part. I was an A-B student at the University of Washington. I worked, I studied, and I occasionally played. I dated my fair share of men, but none of them had the effect on me that Edward had.

I guess it really began when we first met. It was my Junior year of college. I had been in downtown Seattle meeting my friend, Alice, for dinner. She was my best friend, well, she used to be. We were inseparable. We were two single girls, who enjoyed everything life had to offer. No matter what crazy things I did, Alice was always there, she never walked away from me, or our friendship. I guess maybe that is why I never expected her to leave.

Alice and I had talked too much and for too long, so by the time I was leaving dinner to head to work, I was running late. Alice worked right downtown at a Starbucks. I worked further North of town in the University Village. I had been working at the Gap store since I started at UW. It sort of paid my bills, and the discount on clothing was great. It was really just my style. I liked solid colors, and neutral colors. I was sort of a plain person, the majority of the time.

I really didn't have a care in the world as I sped down the interstate heading for work. That is, until, I saw the blue flashing lights in my rearview mirror.

"Shit! If I'm late again, I'm going to get written up, again. I pulled my old, but faithful, truck to the right shoulder of the road and waited. I waited for a long time. I mean, really, didn't this guy have better things to do. I knew I did.

The officer finally approached my driver's side window which I had already cranked down. The officer shined a bright light inside my window, directly in my eyes. I held my hand up to block the light. "Is that really necessary?" I asked.

"License, registration and proof of insurance ma'am."

I looked back into the light, as if it were summoning me. I desperately wanted to put a face with the velvety intoxicating voice. I handed the officer the information he requested, which I, of course, had ready and waiting five minutes ago.

The officer glanced down and focused the light on my driver's license. "Isabella, why are you going so fast?"

I could see him then. He was beautiful, breathtaking even. His gorgeousness stole my pre-planned words straight from the confines of my sealed lips. I stuttered, searching for the words I carried moments ago.

"I...I'm sorry. I'm just running late to work." I looked up at his copper colored hair, as I enjoyed the way the moonlight danced off it's various disheveled ends.

"Do you have any prior speeding tickets, Isabella?"

"Uh, no sir. My dad is the Chief of Police, in Forks."

He laughed at me, but I didn't care. It sounded like an angel singing. His velvety voice had me completely transfixed.

"Isabella, this is Seattle. I don't care who your daddy is. He could be the Chief of Police of Forks, Spoons and Knives, it doesn't matter here."

I looked down, embarrassed. "Yes sir."

"Sit tight, Ms. Swan."

I nodded my head and began to wait impatiently for his return.

When he did finally return, he held out his hand with my driver's license and registration in it. My fingers brushed his when I reached for the documents. A spark of electricity was shared between us, so strong, that you could actually see it in the dark night. We both looked at each other, apologetically. "I'm sorry," I offered. "My sweater has a lot of static."

The officer smiled the most beautiful crooked smile I had ever seen. I lost my breath.

"Don't let it happen again," he teased.

I giggled hesitantly as I placed my driver's license and registration back in my small purse.

"Slow down, Miss Swan. I'd hate to see such a beautiful girl in an accident."

I gasped at his compliment. I looked up just in time to see the name plate on his uniform as he turned away from me.

**CULLEN**

The velvety-voiced and sex oozing officer walked back to his patrol car. I fumbled with my keys, dropping them once, before finally locating them in the floor board and starting my truck. I stared at the blue lights in my rear view mirror for as long as they were visible. A wave of sadness washed over me when I realized I could no longer see the blue flashing lights that symbolized Officer Cullen.

Two weeks passed, and although I hadn't forgotten my run in with the law, it wasn't the only thing on my mind anymore.

On this night, my girlfriends and I were celebrating the end of the semester with drinks and dancing at a local hole in the wall bar. The bar, Silvers, played country music until 11:00 p.m. After 11:00 p.m., it was top 40 music and hip-hop. The bar offered free beer until 11:00 p.m.; therefore, attracting all sorts of people. My friends and I enjoyed the free beer as we gave our best attempts at line dancing around the square shaped dance floor.

I eventually had to excuse myself from my friends to use the ladies' room. Upon exiting the restroom, I stopped at a side bar to purchase a cold beer, as it was after 11:00 p.m. Just as the bartender was about to hand me my drink, an arm stretched around me from the right, taking it.

"Thank you, Isabella." I didn't have to turn around to see who stole my beer. I still recalled the velvet-like voice as if it were yesterday. Instead of turning to look at Officer Cullen, I purchased myself another beer.

I turned around to face him, beer in hand. "It's Bella."

"Well, thank you for the beer, Bella." He accentuated my name, dragging it out.

"Do you always make girls buy your drinks, Officer?"

"Only girls I'm attracted to," he said confidently.

_Oh my_, I thought. I felt the heat rushing to my cheeks. "I better get back to my friends. Enjoy your beer," I said before walking off towards the dance floor.

As I danced along with my friends, I tried to ignore the fact that _he _was in the room. I didn't have to know where he was to know that he was watching me. I could feel it. I could feel his eyes on me.

It was nearly 2:00 a.m. when my friends and I stumbled out of the bar, feeling all too warm and cozy inside. Officer Cullen was standing outside.

"Ladies, may I walk you to your car?" he asked.

All of my friends, except me, replied with an eager, "Sure!"

They giggled at the cute copper haired man that led them to their car. Before I took my seat in the back of Alice's car, Officer Cullen grabbed my wrist, preventing me from getting in.

"I'll see that Bella gets home safely. You girls go ahead."

My eyes grew large, surely they looked doe-like to him. I looked to my friends for help. They only giggled, seemingly happy for me. They waved goodbye almost immediately. I cursed them all under my breath, as I wondered what I was getting myself into.

Officer Cullen held the door to his black truck open for me. I hesitated before taking his hand to climb inside. "I...I don't even know your name."

"Edward. Edward Cullen." I could feel his breath on my neck and it sent a shiver over my body. I climbed inside the truck, and Edward gently closed the door.

We didn't speak at all on the way to my apartment. I guess I wasn't surprised when I realized I hadn't told him where I lived.

"Do you live alone?" he asked as we pulled into the parking garage.

"Yes." I realized, too late, that I probably shouldn't have said that.

"Don't look so frightened. I'm not going to hurt you, Bella."

I smiled shyly, wishing I had more liquid courage. He was so disarming. I wouldn't normally let a stranger take me home, but he was different. There was something about him that I just couldn't turn away from. Besides, we weren't technically strangers, any more.

I didn't exactly invite him in, but I didn't close the door behind myself either. He followed me inside. I apologized for the mess, as I still hadn't quite unpacked everything.

Edward studied my tiny apartment for a while before noticing the large balcony outside.

"Do you want to sit outside?" he asked.

"Sure. Would you like a beer?"

"Yes, please."

I grabbed two beers form the fridge and headed outside to the balcony with Edward. We sat in my patio chairs, the moonlight cascading down us.

"So, Bella, let's play a game."

I laughed at his childishness. "Okay."

Edward gave me a strange look, and I wasn't sure why. "What is it?" I asked.

He looked away from me quickly. "Your laugh, it's beautiful."

He said it so softly, I wasn't sure I heard him. I was grateful that the soft moonlight hid my blush.

"Pepsi or Coca-Cola?" he suddenly asked.

This must be our game. I thought for a moment. "Pepsi."

"Your turn," he said.

I looked at him as I sipped my beer. "Beach or Mountains?"

"Definitely beach," he responded. "Truck or Car?"

"You should know the answer to that," I teased.

He laughed. "You're right. Okay, scratch that. Dog or Cat?"

"Dog. Boxers or briefs?" I asked.

Edward's eyebrow shot up at me. I grinned.

"Boxer briefs. Love or lust?"

"Both," I responded.

"You cannot have both," he said confidently.

"Sure you can."

This started a heated debate. It was obvious to me that Edward didn't believe in love and lust. In fact, he said love was always one sided. Edward insisted that everything was always great in the beginning, when it was new and exciting, but as soon as the girl found someone else that was new and exciting, it would be over.

I disagreed. "You just haven't met the right girl yet," I assured him.

"I've met all kinds of girls. They're all the same."

I was a bit offended by his comment. I guess I never really considered myself to be like other girls. I jumped back into the game to change the mood.

"Early bird or night owl?" I asked.

"Definitely a night owl."

Our little game continued on like this until we noticed the moon had disappeared over the horizon and shades of orange, blue and pink were quickly taking its place. It was morning.

Edward insisted he needed to get home, he said he couldn't sleep when the sun was up. He needed to sleep because he had to work later that day.

I walked him to the door and opened it for him. Edward didn't immediately walk out. In fact, he leaned in very close to my face. His piercing green eyes met mine, my breath hitched, and I nearly stopped breathing all together. I inhaled his scent, and waited, but he never closed the distance between us. He suddenly turned to leave and made his way out the door. It was suddenly quiet, and I felt empty.

"Goodbye, Bella."

Edward disappeared down the hall and around the corner towards the elevator bank. I closed the door and desperately tried to catch my breath. I think I thought he was going to kiss me. I guess I was a little disappointed that he didn't.

I went to sleep that morning wondering if, and when, I would see Officer Cullen again.

A/N: Next one coming soon. Thanks for reading.

Twitter: AllOrNothingKR


	2. Damn Girl Ch2

**Chapter 2: **

**Damn Girl **

**(Edward)**

I couldn't stop thinking about that damn girl. She was all I had thought about since the day I saw her. Bella.

If I, Edward Cullen, knew anything about myself, it was: No.1) I was destined to die young; No. 2) I was in control, always; and No. 3) I loved women, and I loved that they came in all different colors, shapes, and sizes.

I have never discriminated against a woman for her excess weight, or lack there of. Women were my forte. Women were beautiful, all of them. I liked a large variety of women. I often got bored with the flavor of the week and quickly moved on. The best part about it, is that I am able to convince the women that they need to move on, that they don't want me. Rarely did I find a woman who could handle me, my strange antics and insecurities, as well as my entirely too high sex drive.

So, at first glance, Isabella Swan wouldn't have even registered on my radar as a potential victim, as I liked to call them. By victim, I mean she would fall pray to my charm and be in my bed in a matter of hours. She was plain, thinner than I normally liked, and entirely too innocent for her own good.

However, the moment I saw her big brown doe eyes looking up into my flashlight, something hit me. I didn't know what it was. She had an unusual aura about her. I did my job, but her innocent looks, her smile, and her brown eyes got her out of a ticket. She certainly deserved one, but I only wanted to continue to make her smile.

I eventually pushed Isabella from my mind, only after I looked up her address and entire life story. She wasn't kidding, her father is the Chief of Police in Forks. I bet she didn't like my Forks, Knives and Spoons joke. I had never heard of the place before.

Needless to say, she was the last person I expected to find at Silvers on a Saturday night a few weeks later. I wondered if she frequented Silvers often. I never recalled seeing her before. I would have noticed her. Silvers is where I often go to claim my next victim. After all the girls down their beers as fast as they can to get an extra free one in by 11:00 p.m., they're all tipsy and horny. Just my type. It was the easiest place to pick up the flavor of the week.

So, when I saw Isabella at the bar purchasing a beer, I had every intention of taking her home and wearing her out.

However, once I got to her apartment, the thought never crossed my mind again. I must have been sick. She seemed different than other girls. She was fun, but not belligerently drunk. She wasn't trying to take her clothes off. She played my favorite game with me. She got it, without ever asking questions. She understood. She didn't think it was stupid. She intrigued me.

I really thought about kissing her before I left. I must have stared at her pouty pink lips for much longer than is respectable, but I wouldn't break my own rules. I never make the first move. That way, I can always make them believe that they seduced me.

Needless to say, I didn't get any sleep that day. I couldn't stop imagining what her lips would feel like against mine, or what they would look like wrapped around my cock, with her big brown doe eyes staring up at me. That mental image drove me absolutely crazy for two entire days until I gave in, and sent her a text message.

_I want to see you again. - Edward._

As I suspected, her response was immediate.

_I want to see you again, too. When? - Bella_

This was always the hard part. My shift was currently Saturday through Wednesday from 3:00 p.m. to 11:00 p.m. I was lucky to get home by midnight depending on what the night held. Therefore, my women had to be flexible with their time. Of course, I explained this to Bella very genuinely and she seemed to understand. As we partook in a day long text message exchange, I explained that my next day off wouldn't be until Thursday. It was Monday. She didn't want to wait that long. She insisted 11:00 p.m. wasn't that late for her, as she typically had afternoon classes at the university and she could sleep in. She even offered to make the 40 minute drive to my house. I had her exactly where I wanted her.

The plan was to meet up the following evening at 11:30 p.m. We were going to meet in the parking lot of a local restaurant and she would then follow me to my house. I didn't want doe eyes getting lost. I doubt her truck has GPS.

My shift at work the following day was agonizing. I was currently only on traffic duty, meaning I didn't get to respond to burglaries, murders, etc. I got to respond to auto accidents. It was highly unentertaining. I was fairly busy around rush hour, but as that died down, there wasn't a lot going on.

The night seemed to creep by. All I could think about was getting home and meeting up with Bella. I continuously imagined what she would wear. I think what a girl wears says a lot about herself. If she came over to my house at nearly midnight and was dressed to impress, then she wanted to hook up. If she was just her normal casual self, she was real and true to herself. I hate fake girls. They're good for a lay, and that's about it. Even then, they are sometimes not worth it. If there is one thing I absolutely cannot stand, it is a woman bitching. I refuse to put up with it.

I eventually took off work a little early and headed home. I showered, shaved, and threw on a little cologne for good measure. I personally didn't feel like I needed to impress Bella, so I just put on some athletic pants and a black t-shirt. I put a little bit of gel in my hair to give it the disheveled look that girls love, and I headed out to meet up with her.

**Trouble**

**(Bella)**

That's exactly what I was in - trouble. He was already in the restaurant parking lot when I arrived. He didn't even roll down his window, he just signaled me to follow him, and I did.

We pulled into a convenience store just off the interstate. Edward jumped out of his truck and came up to my window.

"I'm going to grab some beer, do you want anything?" he asked.

I smiled. "Beer is good."

As he continued inside, I noticed that he was wearing blue athletic pants and a fitted black t-shirt. His pants hugged his backside perfectly. His tight fitting t-shirt outlined the definition of his shoulders, arms, and pectoral muscles. My mouth watered at the sight before me. I watched him as he walked directly to the back of the store, grabbed a 12 pack and went back to the counter. He seemed to know the person working, or maybe he just did this a lot. They chatted briefly before he returned to his truck, and went on his way.

We arrived at his house shortly before midnight. It was interesting to see his patrol car in the drive way. It was nicer and fancier than Charlie's. His house was small, but cozy.

It had three bedrooms and one small bathroom. It was immaculately clean. His big screen TV was the main attraction in the living room. He showed me around his house and I enjoyed catching a tiny glimpse into his world. He had two closets in his bedroom, one was entirely dedicated to his police uniforms, guns, nightsticks, etc. My mind perked up when I saw that closet. Edward was dangerous, and I liked it.

We ended our tour back where we started, in the living room. We shared cold beer and watched sports highlights while talking about nothing in particular.

At one point, Edward turned all the lights off and left only the radio playing. We sat next to each other on the couch and played our game.

Edward must have been feeling brave. "Full coverage, or thong?"

I giggled. "It depends on the pants I'm wearing."

"You never can just give a simple answer, can you? he teased.

I was smug. "I'm not a simple girl."

"So I see."

We continued our little game until the wee hours of the morning. I don't know how we didn't run out of things to say, but we never did. The time always seemed to get away from us.

I left Edward's house that evening just as the sun was rising. I must say, I was slightly frustrated that he hadn't tried anything with me yet. I had a very strong sexual connection to Edward. It was unlike anything I had ever felt before. In my past, sex was simply to keep my boyfriends content. I didn't really enjoy or crave it that much. It wasn't bad, but it wasn't my favorite. Something about Edward made me crave it. It was a feeling I wasn't used to, and I was unsure what to do with it.

I found out what to do with it three nights later when I found myself at Edward's house again around midnight. We shared cold beers again, but skipped the sports highlights and went straight to the dark, with only the radio playing. The moonlight shone in through the large windows on the front of the house.

We were both sitting upright on the couch when Edward asked if I minded if he laid down. I stood to let him get comfortable, before sitting on the edge of the couch next to him.

"There's enough room for two," Edward offered.

I smiled and laid down. Half of my body covered his, while the other half was on the couch. I faced Edward and there was an awkward silence. _What do we do now?_ I inhaled his scent, which could only be described as cleanliness and a hint of spice. It intoxicated me. I had a strong desire to taste him.

I sighed and rested my head on Edward's shoulder. His arm wrapped lazily around my waist, securing my small frame to the couch, and to him.

We laid there in an awkward silence for quite some time, neither of us brave enough to make the first move.

I grew frustrated and Edward could tell.

"I'm not going to do it," he said firmly.

I looked up at him under my lashes. "Do what?" I asked.

"I don't make the first move."

"You don't?"

"No, I don't. If you want something, get it."

I pondered this momentarily as my eyes were fixated on his perfect lips. I wondered how this perfect specimen of a man could be shy about kissing me first. I would lean in, and back away, multiple times, unsure of myself. I had kissed a lot of boys in the past, but none like Edward.

I finally realized that Edward wasn't going to give in to me. I took a deep breath and lightly pressed my lips to Edward's. Immediately, Edward's hand caressed my face. He pulled his lips from mine, only far enough to trace my lips with the tip of his tongue. It sent a chill straight to my core. Nobody had ever done that to me before. I parted my lips and sought his tongue. I found it quickly. We fought back and forth for control.

I eventually sat up and straddled him. I was glad I decided to wear my short denim skirt. Edward's hands ghosted up my thighs. When he touched me, it was like fire raging through me. He was only touching my thighs, but I could feel him everywhere.

His skilled hands eventually made their way to my hips and he pushed me down against his ever present erection.

"Oh, my," I giggled, secretly proud of myself for causing such a reaction.

Edward flashed his heart stopping smile. "Oh my, indeed. What are we going to do about that Ms. Swan?"

I played innocent. "I don't know, Officer." I gracefully slid two of my slim fingers beneath my skirt, pulled my pink thong to the side, and slipped into myself, as eloquently as dipping a cookie into a glass of milk.

I removed my fingers, holding them together as the moonlight shining through the window danced off the moisture that wrapped around me like a glove. I pressed my fingers to Edward's perfect lips and he eagerly granted them entrance to his mouth. "What are we going to do about that, Officer Cullen?"

**Author's Note: Thank you all for reading and thank you for the reviews thus far. Sorry to leave you hanging. Next chapter picks up where we left off, except Edward POV. I'll try to get out another update before the weekend is over. We get deeper insight into Edward and Bella's heads in future chapters. **

**Twitter: AllOrNothingKR**


	3. Expert Ch 3

**Chapter 3: Expert**

**(Edward)**

What was this girl doing to me? I've never met a woman that could play along with my games as effortlessly as Bella does. Bella was something I had never tasted before. She was sweet, soft and delicate, but at the same time she was incredibly sexy and desirable. I couldn't get enough of her, I wanted to ravage her, but at the same time I wanted to savor her and go slowly.

I'm usually the one in control. I set the mood, cast the line, snag my bait, and reel them in. Woman are normally putty in my hands. When it came to Bella, I felt like the putty in her hands. It made me extremely nervous, but it was very erotic as well.

When she slipped her tiny fingers between her smooth creamy legs and dipped inside herself to reveal her arousal, I nearly came undone beneath her. I nearly growled at her when she asked me what I was going to do about it. I tasted the perfect blend of ecstasy on her fingertips. It was exquisite. I wanted nothing more than to bury my face between her legs.

Instead, I gingerly slipped my hand between her legs, pushing her thong to the side, and sank my thumb inside her. I had initially just wanted another taste of her, but when she began moving against me, I couldn't remove my thumb. The look on her face was one of utter enjoyment, and I thrived on that look. I pushed my thumb more firmly into her and made a fist with my hand outside of her. I rotated my thumb inside her. She leaned forward, as she enjoyed the pressure of my fist against her sweet spot.

I was overcome with desire for her. Never before had a girl taken such liberties with my thumb. I eventually used my other hand to stroke her sweet spot as her audible satisfaction grew.

I could feel her already tight pussy becoming even tighter around my thumb. She was close. I stroked her even more feverishly as she pushed herself even farther on to my hand. Her movements became more sporadic and desperate. He cries grew louder as she came. It was fucking beautiful.

She eventually collapsed on top of me, unable to take anymore. I enjoyed her, as she was hot and damp, and I was still cool and dry.

After a few minutes Bella regained her composure and sat up, her ass sitting nearly directly on top of my rock hard cock.

She grinned at me. "It looks like I owe you a favor, Officer."

I smiled. "There is only one favor I want, Ms. Swan."

"And what is that?"

"I want your pretty little lips wrapped around my cock."

Bella's eyes grew large. She grinned smugly and pointed to her mouth, "These lips," then she pointed between her legs, "Or, these lips?"

I exhaled sharply, not expecting her boldness. I reached up and grazed my thumb across her bottom lip. "These lips. I don't have any condoms."

Bella looked nervous. "I've never done that before," she said, shyly.

I laughed at her. "Are you serious?"

She nodded her head.

"I can teach you," I offered. It didn't matter if she wasn't an expert. Rarely could a woman even make me cum that way, but it would still feel good. I could finish myself off after she went home.

We moved from the couch and I went across the room to sit on the love seat. I removed my pants and boxers before I even sat down. My cock was rock hard and throbbing against my stomach. Bella stood scared and shy next to the couch.

"Come on, it won't bite."

Bella giggled and hesitantly walked over to me. She sank to her knees in front of me and nervously placed her hands on my knees.

I stroked my cock once or twice before she decided to join in. She removed my hand and began stroking me. It felt good, but it felt down right fucking incredible when her lips suddenly moved in and she took me in her mouth. It took a moment for her to get regulated and then her hand and mouth worked in a perfect rhythm. She made these little sounds, as if she were really enjoying her self. As the tension grew inside me, I couldn't help but grab a fist full of her hair and guide her pace.

Her pace increased and I felt myself losing control. I couldn't believe this little innocent looking girl was about to make me cum. I've been with some skilled women and even they couldn't make me do this.

I tried to communicate to her that I was close, that I was about to cum. She didn't seem to care. She tightened her grip around me and worked harder. Moments later I exploded into her mouth as deep groans escaped me.

I waited for her try to find a place to discard my seed, but instead, when I opened my eyes, she had taken me all in, and was eloquently wiping her mouth with the tips of her fingers. She smiled smugly, as if she were proud of herself.

I threw my head back on the couch in exhaustion and had to laugh at how incredibly sexy that little smirk was that she just gave me.

When I became coherent again, I stood up and hugged her. "That was incredible, Ms. Swan."

"Thank you, Officer. I rather enjoyed myself."

"You perform like an expert. There's no way you've never done that before."

"I hadn't. I guess I just got lucky."

I shrugged her off. There's no way in hell I believed that. She might as well be a professional cock sucker as far as I was concerned. I couldn't pay for head that good. "Well, it's late. I better get to bed. I have to work tomorrow."

Bella got dressed, gathered her things, and I walked her to the door.

**Breathless **

**(Bella)**

Edward opened the front door, but the glass screen door was still closed. We stood there momentarily, our eyes assessing each other. I didn't know if I should just leave, or if he was going to kiss me. His green eyes seemed to be fixated on my lips. His tongue darted out, he licked his lips, and then he kissed me.

I willingly granted him entrance. I couldn't explain what he did that made his kisses so unique, so all consuming, but I liked it. I'd grow to need it, the way lungs needed air.

My hand clutched hungrily into Edward's hair, pulling him closer to me, if that were possible. When he kissed me like this, so hungry and raw, I felt it all the way to my core. It was hard for me to understand how a single kiss could arouse me so significantly, but it did.

Edward's hands suddenly slid from my lower back to my bare thigh and he pushed me back against the glass screen door. He lifted my denim skirt quickly and pulled me forward a bit and spanked my left cheek. He removed his mouth from mine. "Get out of here, before you get in trouble."

I wondered about Edward's nearby neighbors noticing our little exchange, and then I realized none of them were likely awake at this hour. I stood speechless and breathless in front of him for a moment before I straightened my skirt out and turned to leave. I walked out into the foggy cool night and I could still feel the tingling sensation on my lips that was left behind from Edward's ravenous goodbye kiss.

That boy was the devil, and he did cartwheels in my mind nonstop. I've never wanted anything so bad in my entire life. I just wanted to know what he would feel like, inside me.

After several day-long text messaging conversations, I finally found out.

For once, it seemed Edward came prepared. I met him at his house late one night when he had gotten off work. We played our _this__or__that_ game in the dark at first, and then he told me to go to his room.

"Why?" I asked shyly.

"Because I said so and because I'm going to give you what you've been wanting all this time."

I gasped and my insides jumped with joy and then landed in a wet heap in the center of my panties. I had to refrain from jumping up and down and clapping my hands like a small child.

I didn't say anything else. I just stood and sauntered off ahead of him to his bedroom. I love his room, even in the dark. It was manly and clean and simple and so Edward.

As I was admiring his room, I was suddenly spun around quickly and pushed back onto the bed. Before I could account for what was happening, I was on my back, on the bed and Edward was crawling his way up me, my arms held tightly above my head at my wrists.

"Mmm..." He took a deep breath, as if he were savoring me and I nearly melted. I waited patiently for his lips to reach mine, and when they did, they came crashing down, and all civility flew out the window.

We ravaged each other, like we were starving tigers in the middle of the African Safari. Our clothes were gone in the blink of an eye. He hooked his arms beneath my knees and pulled me to the end of the bed quickly before stepping down to the floor and dropping to his knees. He kneeled on the floor below the bed as he buried his face between my legs. There was no slow build up, no unbelievable torture, just instant and sheer fucking pleasure at my core. His tongue swirled around my sweet spot frantically.

Little groans and "Fuck you taste so damn good," escaped him.

I writhed beneath him, unable to control my limbs any longer as I reached my climax and my hips roared off the bed, bucking towards him in pleasure.

Before I even had a chance to catch my breath he was scooting me back to the top of the bed, he climbed over me and pulled a little foil wrapper out from the pillow case beneath my head. He tore it open quickly, sheathed himself, aimed his head at my entrance, and dove in.

I felt so full and my body just closed around him as he pounded into me. He was fast and furious, to the point it was almost painful. Nobody had ever been like that with me before. As I laid there looking up at him pound into me furiously, I realized, perhaps this was my first proper fucking.

The intense friction eventually became too much and I screamed and clawed at his back as we came together. He collapsed on top of me. His skin was soft and warm and I relished in his warmth. And then, it was over.

He suddenly jumped off the bed and reached for his clothes which were strewn about the room. "Time to go, Bella. Edward has to work tomorrow and now, thanks to you, he'll sleep like a baby."

I laid there, unsure if I was hearing him correctly. I wasn't sure I even had feeling back in my toes yet.

Just like that, he sent me on my way, saying he never allowed women to spend the night, as he couldn't sleep with them in his bed.

I sat in my truck outside his house momentarily, trying to decide if I was elated or pissed off. My body was certainly really fucking happy, but my brain kept telling me I had been used.

**Author's Note: Sorry for the delay in getting this one posted - my RL is out of control. I'll try to get the next one out in a more timely fashion! Thank you all for reading and reviewing. We'll get more insight into Edward's mind in a few chapters.**

**Twitter: AllOrNothingKR**


	4. Time Out Ch 4

**Chapter 4:**

**Time Out**

**(Edward)**

A time out is exactly what Bella and I needed. I had mixed emotions about her and it drove me crazy. I wanted her to say no. No to me. If she would give it up to me when I hadn't even bought her dinner, she'd definitely give it up to anyone, but God damn if her pussy wasn't the tightest sweetest little thing I've ever tasted or felt. It made my cock twitch just thinking about it.

Fuck!

I almost hit a pedestrian. It's not good for me to have her on my mind while I'm working, but she's all I see when I close my eyes. Her most recent text message about being wonderfully sore between her legs this morning isn't helping matters.

I cannot get involved with this girl. I cannot. Edward Cullen doesn't do girlfriends, not anymore. It's pointless anyway. I know I'd just end up breaking her heart, or she'd break mine. Isn't that how it always works? Either someone's heart gets broken, or I die. Either way, it isn't fair to her.

_All available units needed at 8th Ave and S. Dearborn for 030. Shots fired._

Damn it. Of course the only day of the week that I get put on patrol, I'm going to have to use my gun. Armed robbery. I hit the switch to turn the blue lights on, hit the gas pedal and turned around.

"Unit 423 10-76 to Code 030 at 8th Ave and S. Dearborn. Over."

_10-4 Unit 423._

I arrived on scene a few minutes later. There were blue lights everywhere and armed officers taking cover behind the safety of their car doors. The two suspects were against a brick wall just inside the alley. They both had rifles. I quickly grabbed my chest. Bullet proof vest was on. I always put it on, but I still check. It's a pretty fucked up feeling to come so close to death on a pretty regular basis.

I took the gun from my holster and stepped out of the car and got down behind my door. It appeared negotiations of some sort were in progress but the suspects looked young and strung out on drugs. They were both clearly nervous and sweating. They were going to shoot and run, I just knew it. They looked to each other briefly before I started to see them both tightening their grips on the rifles. They're going to shoot. I had the best shot at them from the angle I was at. I should fire. _Pull__the__trigger,__Edward,__before__someone__gets__hurt.__They__'__re__so__young,__though.__You__could__kill__someone__'__s__child,__or__brother.__Don__'__t__aim__to__kill.__Hurry__before__they..._

It was in slow motion. My heart pounded in my ears. Two shots. One from each rifle. It was loud and I immediately fell down behind my door when I heard the unmistakable groan of a man who had been shot.

A few officers ran after the suspects, others jumped in their cars to pursue, I was next to the officer who was shot and I radioed for help.

"Shots fired! Officer down! 10-52 needed on scene. 10-18. Over."

_10-4. Medics dispatched and in route._

I stood from behind the safety of my door, and ran to the patrol car next to mine. It was Officer Dumas. He was an older gentleman, but a fine cop. His left arm had practically been blown off. There was blood everywhere. Myself and another officer tended to the wound until paramedics arrived on scene and took over. Officer Dumas has a real nice wife at home, a couple kids, and a grandchild. His wife always bakes me cookies at Christmas. I should've fired when I had the chance. I'm a complete fuck up and now I have to go back on patrol like nothing fucking happened. People wonder why we're such assholes.

Nearly three hours later, my shift ended. Fortunately, there was nothing else quite so eventful. One of the suspects was still at large. One was in custody. Officer Dumas was in critical condition at UWMC. It's was a typical fucked up day in my life.

I tried not to think about her. I turned the TV on and nursed a beer on the couch. I saw a girl on TV that had eyes like hers. I sighed and looked at my watch. It was shortly after 1:00 a.m. I'm sure she's asleep, but it didn't stop me. I sent her a text message.

_Bella. _

That's all I had to say, just her name.

Her response, as usual, was fairly immediate. I wondered if she slept with the phone at her ear.

_Edward? _

_Come over. _

_I was asleep. Let me throw some clothes on. I'll be there soon. _

_Don't bother with the clothes. ;) _

**Chapter 4:**

**Summoned**

**(Bella)**

The three beeps that alerted me that I had a new text message are what woke me from a peaceful slumber. My eyes opened and stared at the time displayed on the ceiling from my alarm clock. My heart raced. I could hear it beating in my ears. I knew what those beeps at 1:00 a.m. meant. Edward.

I read his message and knew. He was summoning me. I didn't even consider saying no. I briefly remembered that I had to be at work at 7:00 a.m. and he lived nearly 40 minutes away, but I wrote him back and hurried out of bed. I took a super quick shower to freshen up and put on a tiny pair of cotton shorts and a tank top.

I was on my way across town in less than 15 minutes.

When I pulled up outside his house, it was completely dark. The front door was open, but the screen door was closed.

I had never noticed until then, that he lived around other cops. There were police cruisers in his driveway, his neighbor's driveway to the right and there was one in the driveway across the street.

I hurried inside to the dark living room. It was pitch black, but I knew he wasn't in the room. I set my purse down on the end table and felt my way to the hallway and walked down the dark hall until I couldn't go any further. I turned right and entered his bedroom. I could tell by his steady breathing that he had fallen asleep.

I left my flip flops by the door and shimmied out of my shorts and tank top. I crawled onto the warm bed. He didn't have a shirt on, and when I pulled the comforter back, I realized he was completely naked.

He woke up then, and pulled my face to his. I straddled him immediately, and that was it. That was what made it all worth it. The push and pull, the taking and giving, the wanting and needing. Nobody else had ever felt as good as he did inside me. We didn't speak that night, not until it was nearly over, and it wasn't over for a while. He could go forever and ever and ever. He was more forceful than usual. My legs would be around him one minute and then over my head the next. He would pull me and turn me and flip me and never leave from inside of me. I had come so many times I had lost count. He finally slipped from inside me, removed the condom, and pushed my head down to him. All I could taste was the plastic and chemicals left over from the condom. It made me want to gag.

"Can you clean it off first?"

"No, you clean it, with your mouth." He pushed my head back down and I just wrapped my lips around his cock and tried not to think about the taste. It seemed like forever until I finally began to feel him tense and felt his fingers fisting my hair. I collected all of him in my mouth and swallowed. I rested beside him momentarily before he told me to leave and lock the door on my way out.

I was irritated, but did as he asked.

I could barely walk the next morning. I had fingerprint bruises on my hips and bite marks on the insides of my thighs. I was so tired. I only had about an hour and a half of sleep. As I was trying to make my hair look presentable, I heard the news on the TV about the shooting yesterday. I ran into my bedroom to catch the story. There was live footage from the scene. Edward was there. He looked tormented. It was hard to watch and they stopped the footage just before shots were fired. It could've been him. He could've been the one fighting for his life last night in a hospital. I shuttered at the thought.

I was half asleep as I made my way towards campus from work later that afternoon. I heard the sirens before I saw the blue lights. I looked at my speedometer. I wasn't speeding. I didn't have to be to class for another hour. I sighed and pulled over, hoping it was him.

It was Edward. He had a such a cocky walk when he was in uniform.

"You okay? You were crossing into the other lane back there," he said.

I scoffed. "I was probably asleep. Somebody kept me up all night."

"Hmm, that's a shame. I bet it was worth it," he said.

I rolled my eyes. It was definitely worth it.

Edward looked at his watch, then back to me.

"You in a hurry?" he asked.

"Not really. Why?"

"Want to grab a late lunch with me?"

I nearly choked on air and it made Edward laugh. Needless to say, I agreed on lunch and we followed each other to a small cafe nearby.

We had just received our drinks after the waitress took our order. Edward knew her. She knew him. It made my skin crawl. He didn't offer an explanation. I didn't ask for one. I didn't want to know.

"So, I heard about what happened yesterday," I started.

Edward looked up from his glass. "Oh, yeah? What did you hear?"

"That could've been you."

Edward scoffed and looked out the window we were sitting next to. "It could've been nobody if I had of fucking pulled the trigger and shot the fucker before he shot Dumas."

"It wasn't your fault."

"Yes, it was. I had the best shot. I should've done it. I knew he was going to shoot. I knew it."

"Then why didn't you?" I asked.

He looked at me dead on and it made me nervous. His green eyes were piercing. "You don't know anything about my job, Bella. Nothing. You don't know what it's like. You don't know what kind of thoughts go through your head before you are about to pull the trigger and potentially kill someone's son, or brother, or father. You. Don't. Know."

He was mad. I looked away. "I'm sorry. You're right. I don't know."

That satisfied him and we ate and talked about stupid stuff that had nothing to do with work.

The waitress set my ticket down on the table next to me. I glanced at it, it was only my food on the ticket. She didn't give Edward one.

Edward reached across the table and took it. "I got it."

"What about yours?" I asked.

He shrugged. "The badge has it's benefits."

"Oh, I see." I nodded and waited for him to settle my tab.

We exited the restaurant and Edward walked me to my truck. I got in and he closed the door behind me. "Be careful," he said.

"You, too, Edward."

Three days passed without a word from him. I tried to limit my exposure to him, it wasn't good for my job or college career. Sleeping during class and in the dressing rooms at work would eventually catch up with me. It was pouring rain, there was nothing to do so I was at home watching TV and trying to study when I heard the news.

After fighting for his life for nearly four days, Officer Dumas died this afternoon. The reporter spoke to his adult children. His wife was sobbing in the background. It was heart wrenching. I quickly dropped my books and reached for my phone.

_Are you okay?_

He didn't respond for a while and I realized he was still at work.

_What do you think? I've not really had time to think about it yet. People cannot fucking drive when it's raining. I've been busy all night. I'm soaking wet and cold and a really amazing man just lost his life because of me. I am not okay. _

I deflated. He would never believe it wasn't his fault. He couldn't have known. I didn't know what to say.

_Well let me know if there is anything I can do to help. I'm sorry. _

I heard nothing else from him for hours. I paced my apartment, worried. I wondered how he dealt with such heavy shit on a daily basis. I tried to focusing on my studies, but it was fairly useless. Just before midnight I gave in and went to bed.

**2:00****a.m.** - _*Beep__Beep__Beep*__.__.__._

**Author's Note: Sorry for the delay in getting this one posted, my RL is insane, but I'm planning on updating once a week from here on out. Thanks for reading and reviewing! 3**

**Also, if you've been living under a rock and haven't seen Breaking Dawn yet...get to it! It was epic! **

**Twitter: AllOrNothingKR**


	5. The Rookie Ch 5

**Chapter 5:**

**(Edward)**

**The Rookie**

It is what it is. I don't care if women think I'm an ass hole. I am, but they still want me. Women are no better than men. They want what they want, when they want it, but when something new or better comes along, they're gone. I know that I'm not going to be on this planet as long as most, so I live my life to the fullest and I don't deny myself things that I want.

Bella was different, and it wasn't good for me. I don't trust women, any of them. I had to get it through my head that what Bella and I had going on was just fun and games for now. She would get tired of my shit and move on, just like they all do.

So, I guess I wasn't really all that surprised to see her shaking her ass all over one of my rookies at Silvers one night. Damn, she looked good doing it, I thought as I approached them.

"Well, well. I see you've met James."

Bella's eyes grew large. "You know him?" She looked back and forth between the two of us. James moved out from behind her and we shook hands. James was new on the force. I had him with me a few times in training. He was still very much a rookie and still trying to fit in. He was younger than me and I heard all the ladies loved him.

"Sorry, man. I didn't know you two were acquainted," James yelled over the loud music.

I shook my head. "It's no big deal. Bella is really good at what she does. You'll like her."

Bella rolled her eyes at me and it made me smile. I excused myself to go get a drink.

When I returned to the dance floor, Bella and James had their hands all over each other. It made me slightly ill. His hands were where mine usually were, on her hips and her little waist. He was certainly enjoying himself, as was she.

I noticed a girl across the way that I used to consider a regular. I decided I'd give Bella something to look at.

I snuck up behind Victoria and started dancing with her. She turned to look at me through her waves of strawberry blonde hair, her tits nearly knocked me in the face. "Hey, stranger! Where've you been? I haven't heard from you in a while."

Our hips moved to the music. "Work has been busy, you know how it is."

She nodded and we continued dancing. Victoria was nice, physically. She had a killer body and was a total freak in the sack. It gets old, though. She looks too much like a porn star for me. Not to mention, I'm pretty sure she's fucked half the men in the bar.

It didn't take long to feel her come up behind me, grinding against me. I didn't even have to turn around to know it was her.

However, I was shocked when Bella walked around me and shoved Victoria out of the way. Bella was definitely drunk. Nobody fucked with Victoria.

"It's okay," I mouthed to Victoria, when I noticed her fight face. "She's had too much to drink. She's an old friend."

Bella smiled proudly and Victoria glared.

I took Bella to the other side of the dance floor, away from Victoria.

"You almost got yourself killed little girl."

Bella was straddling my right leg, grinding herself into me. "I could take her," she yelled over the music.

I laughed. "Yeah, right. She'd break you in two."

Bella shook her head and laughed.

"What did you do with James?"

"He went to get a drink."

"Would you fuck him?" I asked.

Her movements slowed. "What?" she asked.

"You heard me."

She shrugged her shoulders. "I'd rather fuck you."

"What if I wasn't available, would you fuck him?"

She rolled her eyes at me again. "Maybe, if you didn't exist. Maybe if I hadn't already had the best there was to have."

"Oh, is that right?" I grinned.

She nodded and smiled.

I ran into James when I was leaving the men's room.

"Hey, man. What do you think about Bella?" I asked

"Dude, she's hot. Are you guys together?"

"No, no. I mean, we've hooked up before, but nothing serious."

"Oh, okay, so is she off limits?" he asked.

"No, actually, it might do her some good to get some new dick in her. She's too attached to mine."

James laughed. "I can definitely take care of that, man."

After having that settled, I went to search for who I would take home that night. Of course I wanted Bella, but I didn't need to want her. I always wanted her. I had to have something different. Wanting something or someone as much as I wanted her couldn't be healthy, not for me. I had to start looking for someone to replace her.

(**Bella)**

**Two Can Play at This Game**

I'm just going to blame it on the alcohol. The whole night was kind of a blur. I drank a lot. I danced a lot. I got jealous a lot. Seeing Edward with that red headed slut made my blood boil. Everyone knows Victoria is a whore, in fact, I'm pretty sure it's how she makes a living. So, to get back at Edward, in a way, I agreed to go home with James. Unfortunately, I was in no position to drive, and neither was Edward. James decided he would take Edward home before we headed to his place. Fortunately, there wasn't room for Edward's pick of the night to fit in James' truck.

When we arrived at Edward's, he invited us in. I didn't think much of it at the time. Edward passed out a round of beers and the night carried on. Before we knew it, all three of us were trashed and all three of us were misbehaving.

I don't remember exactly what started it. I vaguely remember giving James head while Edward took photos with his cell phone. It progressed from there. I was naked and with Edward one minute and James the next. James was touching himself while I rode Edward. After Edward came, he sent James and I into the spare bedroom and told me to make sure I showed him a good time, so I did.

James also showed me a good time. He was talented, not as talented as Edward, but pretty damn close. I made it a point to be as loud as I could. I definitely wanted Edward to know that he wasn't the only one that could give it to me good. It seemed like James went down on me for hours. I had come so many times that I lost count and I was completely numb. James was the energizer bunny. He kept going and going and going. By the time he finished with me, I was spent. I was also swollen and a little bloody down there. As soon as he fell asleep, I wanted out. Sex is unusually sobering, especially with strangers.

I found my cell phone on the floor and begged Alice to come pick me up. The sun was already up, so was she.

She picked me up a little after 7:00 a.m. and took me back to my car. She only shook her head at me. She didn't speak to me.

When I got home, I got straight into a warm bath. Everything below my waist hurt. I soaked and washed and scrubbed, but I still felt dirty.

I had never done anything like that before. While it felt nice to be wanted, I still felt dirty. I felt no better than Victoria. I sighed and rested my head against the back of the tub while I let my exhaustion take over.

Little did I know at the time, it was only the beginning of the trouble and compromising situations I would come to find myself in with Edward and friends.

**Author's Note: I know you're sick of hearing it, but I'm sorry for the delay in posting. Holidays, mid-life crisis and all that shit going on. Needless to say, I never abandon my stories, so just be patient. My new year's resolution is to do more writing. :) **

**I know some of you already hate Edward...it will likely get worse before it gets better. **

**Hope you all had a good holiday and will have a great 2012. **

**Twitter: AllOrNothingKR**


	6. Lowering The Walls Ch 6

**Chapter 6:**

**Lowering The Walls**

**(Edward)**

Seeing and hearing Bella and James together was interesting. She certainly sounded like she was having a good time. Although it is what I wanted, I'm not going to lie and say it didn't bother me. I felt like I had dibs on her, but I didn't want her growing too attached to me and I certainly didn't need to be attached to her. Maybe now she would want more of James instead of me.

I entered the station a little behind schedule and quickly lined up with the rest of the guys for role call. I overheard James talking to one of the other rookies about Bella. I wanted to punch him. You don't talk about that kind of shit at work, and especially not about Bella.

"James!" I yelled to get his attention.

James turned around and looked at me with wide eyes, obviously unaware that I had overheard parts of his conversation. "Cut it out, man. You act like you've never had pussy before."

All the other guys started laughing at James and he quieted down, just about the time the Sergeant came in with our orders for the day.

**Lowering The Walls**

**(Bella)**

Nearly a week passed before I saw Edward again. I spent the days in a fog as I went through my normal routine of school, work and sleep. I hadn't seen Alice. I think she is mad at me. She doesn't even know what happened and she's mad at me. She'd never speak to me again if she knew the truth. I felt horrible and disgusting. James had been calling, but I never answered.

An innocent trip to the grocery store after work one night made me forget how I was feeling.

When I saw him, I froze. He was in the beer aisle, typical. I was just trying to get to the diet coke, which is right across from the beer. I tried to turn around to go the other way but he saw me, and it was too late.

I quickly looked down to see if I looked even remotely cute. A baby pink henley and dark wash jeans, not too bad, I thought as he approached.

"Bella," he greeted me.

I looked around like someone might see us talking and know what we did. "Edward," I said shyly.

He laughed, "Why are you so shy all of a sudden?"

I bit my lip and looked around again, not wanting anyone to overhear us. "That just wasn't me. I'm embarrassed."

"Oh, hell. Don't give me that bullshit. You definitely sounded like you enjoyed yourself."

"I had too much to drink."

"Well, speaking of drinks, I was just about to get started on this twelve-pack. You want to help?"

I opened and closed my mouth several times. The answer that was supposed to come out was no.

"Sure," I said.

Edward leaned down and kissed my cheek. "Good girl."

My heart stopped beating when I got a whiff of him. He smelled so good. He must have been off work for a day or too also because he had the perfect amount of scruff.

"I'll meet you at my place as soon as you finish up here?" he asked, motioning to my shopping cart.

"Yeah, sure, that sounds good."

Edward turned around and headed to the checkout with his twelve pack. After I saw him leave the store, I counted to 100 and abandoned my cart in the beer/diet coke aisle.

I rushed home to freshen up a bit, but was met with an unexpected surprise at my door step.

"Alice?"

"Oh, good, you're home. I thought maybe we could talk," she beamed.

"Oh, um, I actually was just stopping in for a second."

"Well, where are you going? It's getting late. We really need to talk."

I unlocked the door and let her follow me in towards the bathroom. "I'm just going to see a friend to study for an exam tomorrow."

I scurried around the bathroom, brushed my teeth, my hair and splashed on a little bit of perfume.

Alice was eyeing me suspiciously.

I sighed, "What? I wasn't expecting you. I have plans!"

"I'm pretty sure they don't involve studying."

I stormed past her and turned the light off in the bathroom. I opened the door to leave. "You may be right, but it's none of your business right now."

Alice looked hurt and I felt bad. I waited for her leave my apartment before I shut and locked the door. I left her standing in the breezeway as I headed to my truck.

When I arrived to Edward's he was perched on the couch with a beer in his hand watching sports highlights. I helped myself to a beer from the fridge before I joined him on the couch.

He turned the TV off and looked at me as he tipped his beer bottle up to meet his lips. "What's new, little lady? I haven't heard from you in a while."

"Yeah, well, I've been busy with class and work and everything."

"Yeah, we're all busy and bust our asses for nothing, and then we die."

I think he was a few beers ahead of me. "It's not all for nothing. It will be for something, someday. Why are you so hung up on dying? You're not going to die."

Edward laughed loudly. "You don't even know what you're talking about, Bella. I know your dad is a cop in Spoons, or what-the-hell-ever its called, but there are bad people here. People with guns and speeding cars. Everyday could be the last, you just never know."

"Forks. It's called Forks."

"Yeah, Forks. Whatever. I'm sure it's not like Seattle."

"You're right, it's nothing like Seattle."

We were quiet for a moment.

"Why do you do it, then?"

He shrugged. "It's all I know. I've wanted to be a cop since I was a kid. It's just always how it was supposed to be. I'm not smart enough to go to college and be all scholastic and all that shit. I'm smart with a gun, and handcuffs," he winked.

I giggled. "And a night stick?"

He grinned. "I got my own nightstick."

I rolled my eyes at him and laughed. "Really, though, how many Seattle cops have died on the job in the last year?"

"Five, including Dumas. He was the only one who was shot. Everyone else was run over."

"Run over?"

"Yeah, people just don't pay any fucking attention when we're on the shoulder of the road doing a stop or working an accident. They're too busy texting and putting make up on to move over. It doesn't take much distraction to veer to the right a little too much and take out an officer. A bullet proof vest doesn't protect you from a car going 70 miles an hour on the interstate."

"Hm. I guess I didn't really think about it like that."

"Yeah, but oh well. Somebody has to do it."

"So, what? You're just going to keep going through life without any future plans? You're just going to work and drink and fuck your way along until you die?"

Edward laughed loudly. "You nailed it. Doesn't sound so bad, does it?"

"It doesn't sound like my type of forever, but whatever floats your boat."

"And what is your type of forever, Bella?"

"I don't know. I mean, don't you want to get married one day? Kids? Dog? Anything?"

"I've done the marriage thing."

I choked on my beer, coughed, and sent beer out my nose and mouth.

"I've thought about a dog, though," he said, ignoring my spasm.

I cleared my throat. "Marriage? You've been married?"

Edward laughed. "Yeah, I was young and stupid."

"How old?"

"Nineteen. We lasted until we were 21, until she ended up pregnant."

I stopped breathing. He had a kid? He had a fucking kid!

"Breathe, Bella. Jesus Christ, you're turning blue."

I took a breath.

"It wasn't mine. She told me a few weeks before he was born." He tipped his beer up again. "You have any idea what that's like? What that kind of betrayal is like? I loved, Tanya. I thought she was it. She was fucking gorgeous. She was a good wife. I had no idea. No fucking idea. I was just getting out of the academy at the time. I was a rookie and worked the midnight shift. I guess that's when everything was going down."

He took another drink and rubbed his eyes.

"For months she had be believing it was mine. I busted my ass for her and that kid. I picked up extra shifts, was trying to buy us a house. I mean, it didn't really dawn on me until she told me, but the timing wasn't adding up. We really weren't that intimate when I was working the midnight shift. She knew without a doubt. So, yeah. I lost my wife and what I thought was my kid." He took another drink. "That's why I don't trust women. Any of them."

That was enlightening. "They're not all like that."

He laughed. "Whatever, Bella. They're all fucking like that. Everything is great until a new dick comes along."

I shook my head and rolled my eyes. "Whatever."

"It's true. You seen James lately?"

I shook my head. "I really don't want to talk about him."

"Why? It sure sounded like he showed you a good time."

"I just don't. It makes me feel dirty."

Edward laughed and sat his beer down. He crawled closer to me on the couch. His hand caressed my face, the pad of his thumb traced my bottom lip. "You are dirty, Bella, and I like it."

Before I could protest, his lips were on mine, his tongue was frantically searching for my own. I gave in immediately, there was no use in fighting him. It all felt entirely too good. Before I knew it, we were tearing our clothes off and I was on top of him on the couch.

He pulled a conveniently placed condom out from between the couch cushions and sheathed himself before I lined him up and slide down on him. It felt so good when he filled me completely. It felt like finding the perfect piece to a puzzle, we just fit. His hands and lips attacked my breasts as I rode up and down on him. My breasts were alert and perky and right in his face. He smiled and it made me laugh.

"You liking the view?" I teased.

He leaned in and took one of my breasts in his mouth, sucking it and biting it before leaning back. "I love the view," he said before switching to the other breast. The cool air teased me where his mouth had left me.

The tension in my center was growing. I rode him harder and harder as the sensations grew. His hands gripped my hips tightly as he helped guide me. I began to cry out his name as his eyes closed and his head fell back against the couch. I loved watching his face crinkle up in pleasure, but I couldn't keep my eyes open as my orgasm took over and I began to see stars behind my eyelids. My hands raked over his chest as I rode out my orgasm. I started to slow down, but his hands guided me at an even faster pace. He was close and I continued until I heard him groan and felt him tense, and then relax. He sighed, exhausted. I fell against his chest, my movements stilled. Our breaths were heavy and deep. My center tingled and twitched in appreciation.

I woke sometime later. It was cold. Freezing cold. We had fallen asleep. Holy shit. We had fallen asleep? I tried to move, but Edward's arms were firmly around me and he was still inside me. If I wasn't so cold, I would've laid my head back against his chest and went back to sleep, but I couldn't. I couldn't feel my toes.

I took a moment to admire his perfect face. He looked so carefree and peaceful when he slept. I kissed his lips gently. "Edward? Wake up."

He groaned and shuffled a bit.

"We fell asleep. You need to go to bed."

Edward appeared a little disoriented. I climbed off of him and began to get dressed. He slipped on his boxers and wandered back to his bedroom.

I dressed and gathered my things before heading back to his bedroom. He was already asleep.

I kissed his forehead. "Goodnight, Edward."

I made my way towards his bedroom door. "Goodnight, Bella."

I glanced back at him, unaware that he was awake. He smiled, a boyish, happy smile. It made me melt.

I smiled in return, and left to go home.

**Author's Note: Don't worry, or get too excited, Assward returns soon. Thanks for reading and reviewing! :) Next update...next Sunday, if all goes as planned. **

**Twitter: AllOrNothingKR **


	7. Out of Touch  Ch 7

**CHAPTER 7:**

**Out of Touch**

**(Edward)**

I stirred late in the afternoon. The sun was shining through the small space in between the curtains. I stretched and yawned as visions of the night before replayed in my mind. I rolled over and half-hoped she would still be there. She wasn't.

I shook the thought from my mind. Nobody should be there, on the other side of the bed, ever. Never again. I sat up and glanced at the alarm clock. I had overslept, a lot. I had to be at role call in an hour. I hurried out of bed and into the shower. I hated to remove her scent from my body. I desperately needed to remove her from my mind.

It had just started to rain. The high school kids had just been let out of class for the day and, fortunately, I wasn't the one stuck directing traffic.

I guess I noticed her a couple blocks from the school. She seemed harmless enough. She looked like your typical high school student. She was walking along the busy road. The rain was picking up. I pulled up beside her and rolled down my window.

"Would you like a ride?"

She looked around hesitantly and then glanced back and forth between the front passenger door and the rear door.

"Backseat, please." I couldn't take any chances.

The black haired girl climbed into the backseat of my patrol car. She brought the smell of rain with her.

She cleared her throat. "Thanks, uh, could you just drop me at the mall?"

"Sure. You headed to work?"

She hesitated for a moment as I looked at her in the rearview mirror. She looked away before she answered. She was about to tell a lie.

"Yeah, work," she said as she directed her attention to something outside the window.

I left her alone and drove her the next few miles to the mall.

"Any particular entrance, miss?"

"Oh, no. Well, yeah. The main one is fine, thanks."

I pulled up outside the main entrance and unlocked the doors. "Here you are."

She rushed out of the car and disappeared quickly inside the mall.

I scoffed. She could've at least said thank you. Ungrateful bitches, all of them.

Three car accidents later and one DUI, I was finally about to get off work, thirty minutes late. I luckily talked a rookie officer into taking my DUI to the local precinct for booking. That would've delayed me getting home even longer. It ended up being a pretty busy night.

As soon as I walked in my door, I smelled her.

"God damn it, woman!" I said to nobody. "Would you just get the fuck out of my mind!"

I changed clothes and settled on the couch with my beer. I started thinking about her again and realized I didn't have my phone with me. I must have left it in the car.

I went out to my patrol car and checked the driver's seat. It wasn't there. I usually have it sitting next to my leg. I looked in the center console, nothing. Passenger seat, nothing. I realized it must have slid back between the seats, it's happened before when I take a turn too fast.

I crawled into the backseat and felt around under the front seats. Nothing. I went back inside and got my flashlight. I searched my entire car, front to back. No cell phone.

"That fucking little cunt!"

The girl I picked up must have found it in the backseat floor board. There was nobody else in the back of my car tonight and I know I had my phone before I picked her up.

I was seriously pissed off. I was going to give in and have Bella come over and now I didn't even have her phone number.

I returned inside and sulked the rest of the night.

**(Bella)**

"Okay, so you did what?" Rose asked, surprised.

"Him and his friend. I know it's horrible." I was sharing a coffee with my friend, and classmate, Rosalie. We had met in school. We were in the same program and had been for the past two years. We occasionally hung out together outside of class, but we had never talked about our personal lives to this extent.

Rose looked shocked. "Wow, I had no idea! You always look so innocent and quiet. It's always the quite ones you have to look out for," she teased.

I laughed. "I don't even know how it happened. I know it's cliche, but I blame it on the alcohol."

We both laughed. "So, wait, is this the guy you went home with that night from Silvers?"

"Yeah, that's him."

"Oh, hmm. I didn't really have him pinned as the controlling sex god type."

"Neither did I. So, how is Ryan?"

She beamed. "He's great." Ryan was her long time and long distance boyfriend.

"Is he still in Portland?"

"Yeah, he may get a transfer soon, but for now he's staying in Portland."

"That's good."

She nodded.

"So how does that whole long distance thing work out? You never worry about him cheating or anything?" I asked.

She looked hesitant for a moment. "No, he would never cheat on me; trust me."

"Why not?" I mean, I did sort of understand. She was only drop dead gorgeous, but so was Ryan.

"He just wouldn't. Believe me." Rose gathered her bags. "It's time for class."

I gathered my things and followed her down the hallway to our finance class. She was certainly sure of herself. I wondered what her secret was.

Edward was frequently a pompous ass, but he never ignored my text messages. It had been three days straight. No response from him. I even talked dirty to him, those messages always got a quick response.

I was counting down the minutes until I could get off work. We were not busy and I folded the same stack of jeans over and over while I looked at my watch. I started to wonder if something happened. Had I heard any stories on the news lately? When is the last time I watched the news? Has the weather been bad? Nothing unusual stood out.

My shift eventually ended. I sped home on purpose. He didn't stop me, nobody did.

As soon as I got home I threw my bags down and jumped on the computer. It was late, and I had already missed the evening news. I searched the web for any signs of officer involved shootings, injuries, etc. I couldn't find anything significant.

I eventually gave up and logged into my email account. There he was.

**From: E. Cullen Subject: You Date: Today at 1:00 p.m.**

**Hey Sexy, **

**Just wanted to let you know I lost my phone, which means I don't have your number! It's a long story. I've got a new phone now, but no phone number for my favorite girl. ;) **

**Edward**

I couldn't help but grin. I wasn't sure if my grin was a result of being his favorite girl, or the fact that I was relieved he was okay. Either way, I was happy.

I text messaged him immediately.

_Hey, stranger. It's your favorite girl. - B_

_Hey, favorite girl. How have you been? - E_

_Lonely. =( - B_

_Me too. We can definitely fix that. - E_

_We can? :) - B_

_Tonight. My place. 12:30 a.m.? - E_

_See you then, favorite boy. - B_

_:D - E_

I jumped up from the computer and into the shower. I felt kind of gross from reorganizing blue jeans all night. I showered, did my hair, put on a little bit of make up and got dressed. I was casual, but cute. It was almost midnight when I heard my phone chirp.

_I'm sorry, but tonight won't work. I've got to go book this asshole on a drug charge and it's already late. I won't be home for at least another hour or two. - E_

I deflated like a popped balloon.

_I don't mind waiting for you. - B_

_That's sweet, but I'll be too late. I'm in a bad fucking mood now, too. We'll try again, soon, ok favorite girl? - E_

I sighed. What a bummer.

_Ok - B_

I changed into my pajamas, turned out the lights and crawled into bed. I was one disappointed girl. Little did I know, this was just the first of many disappointments when it came to Edward Cullen.

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**

**Hello! I'mmmm back! Sorry for the long delay in updating. I've been having a mid-life crisis. I think I'm on track to be getting back to normal now. The real world is just so cruel. I'm glad to be back in the little safe haven of fiction. **

**More frequent updates to follow, I promise. Except - I will be cruising around Mexico a week from now so there will be a short lull. **

**Thanks for hanging in there with me. **

**TWITTER: AllOrNothingKR**


	8. Secrets  Ch 8

**CHAPTER 8:**

**(Bella)**

**Secrets**

Another week passed before I was even close to seeing Edward again, and by close, I mean stalking his Facebook page.

"Ugh!" I said aloud. "Who the fuck is she?"

I was beyond pissed. Edward was tagged in some girl's recent photos, at the beach, and it's not a Pacific Northwest beach, it's definitely a California beach. She was pretty, too. Really pretty. She was thin, with slight curves in the appropriate places. Her skin was freshly sun kissed and her hair was long and naturally curly. I clicked through picture after picture - smiling and laughing at the pool, burying each other in the sand, Edward trying to surf, her blowing him a kiss - _barf._

Her name was Stacey, and we had gone to the same high school. She was a year older than me. I spent the rest of the night wondering what she had that I didn't and what made her special enough to a get to sleep over with Edward.

After I had sufficiently sulked all night, I made it a point to ignore him. He obviously didn't give a damn about me and I didn't need to give a damn about him.

**(Edward)**

The mini vacation with Stacey was a total last minute thing I couldn't pass up. We used to date back in the day and I had a huge crush on her back then. Since then, she's been married, had a child and divorced. She never really used to give me the time of day, so when we reconnected one night at a club, and she invited me to San Diego, I couldn't refuse. Her girlfriend had bailed on her at the last minute. I had plenty of vacation time built up at work and only had to use two days. I'm all about a good time, because you never know when it could be the last. We spent four nights in San Diego together. I'd be lying if I said I didn't have a great time. Stacey was hot, funny, and had a lot going for her. It was nice to get away and let my guard down a bit.

It was never really my intention to tell Bella about Stacey and our vacation. I didn't want to upset Bella, and I knew that whatever was going on between Stacey and I would be short lived, it always was. Stacey was great, but she wasn't Bella. Nobody was, I guess that's why Bella scared the shit out of me. I didn't know what to do with her. Half the time I wanted her to be as far away as possible and not even exist, and the other half I wanted her to be right next to me 24/7 so I could lock her away in a closet all for myself.

Unfortunately, things didn't go as planned. I should've known Stacey would have me tagged in fucking pictures on Facebook before I even unpacked my bag. Bella didn't have to tell me she was pissed, I knew by the lack of her cute text messages and failure to respond to my lame attempts of reconciliation.

In a way, I guess I got what I expected. I always run off the ones I like. I've always sort of been self destructive like that. Bella deserved better than me anyway.

**(Bella)**

_~ Two Months Later ~_

Two fucking months. I hadn't had sex in two fucking months. Edward was like a drug addiction. Every night when I tucked myself in under my covers, I wondered what he was doing, who he was with. I'd often glance over at my phone on the nightstand, willing it to chirp. Sometimes, it did, but I ignored it. I had to quit him. I deserved better than him and I thought I had convinced myself of that. What a joke.

It was late one Friday night when I stepped into crazy. Rose and I had gone out for dinner and drinks after a Friday afternoon class, except something went horribly wrong shortly after we finished eating.

Throughout dinner she had told me about how she had been to see Ryan the weekend before and found pictures of some girl on his computer.

"Why were you even on his computer?" I asked.

"Because, he was being weird with his cell phone, like not wanting me to see it. So, when he had fallen asleep, I got on his computer. There she was, in all her naked glory. I mean, if you're going to do that shit, at least fucking hide it better!"

We clinked our beer bottles together, cheering.

"All he would admit to was that they had kissed before, and it was a long time ago, when we first started dating. He said it didn't matter, but it does fucking matter! I cannot believe he would do that to me."

"Well maybe if it was just a kiss?"

Rose cut her eyes at me. "I don't believe him," she sighed. "I don't think you ever really know a person, no matter how much time you spend with them, or how many countless nights you stay up talking to them."

I didn't know what to say. I knew she had been text messaging with him and her mood continued to sour.

Shortly after we settled our tabs, Rose got a text message and just lost it. She screamed loudly and stormed out of the restaurant. I grabbed our things and followed after her. She was crying hysterically in the middle of the parking lot.

"Rose! Talk to me! What is wrong with you? What happened?"

She just started screaming.

"He cheated on me! He said he slept with her! Ugh! How could he? You just don't understand, Bella!"

She was right, I didn't understand. I mean, I hadn't been in many relationships, but I knew what it felt like to be cheated on, and it sucked, but I wasn't so naive that I thought it could never happen to me.

I decided it irritated me that she was yelling at me in the middle of the parking lot, blocking traffic and making a scene. "Yeah, you're right, Rose. I don't understand! What makes you so fucking immune to someone cheating on you?" I yelled back.

She hung her head, tears rolling over her cheeks and on to the ground. "There's something you don't know about me."

My eyes grew wide. What the hell was she talking about?

She pulled me out of the flow of traffic and over between our cars. "You swear on your life, you won't tell anyone what I'm about to tell you? I mean, nobody!"

"Yeah, of course, I promise, Rose."

She took a deep breath and wouldn't look at me. "Ryan has an STD. He was my first. He gave it to me. I always got treatment. He never did. It's so obvious, Bella! I mean, I thought no girl would go near his dick with a ten foot pole, except me, because I was already tainted.

Whoa. That was a little TMI. I didn't know what to say. "Why didn't he get treatment?" I asked lamely.

She rolled her eyes. "His insurance sucks, they wouldn't pay for it, and he didn't want to anyway. It's not exactly pleasant."

"Oh, so, what is it?" I asked. I was completely ignorant when it came to STD's.

"Genital warts. It's a strain of the HPV virus," she cried. "You swear, you will never repeat this!"

"Of course, Rose. I'm so sorry."

She nodded her head. "I mean, Bella, it's like his dick has horrible acne, the large puss-filled kind."

Oh my God. I tried to hold back the bile that was rising in my throat. "That's too much, Rose. Too much."

She laughed at me through her tears. "You get used to it." She shook her head. "I just assumed it was forever, you know, he and I. I didn't think anybody else would ever..."

I nodded. "What a fucking skank, either that, or it was really fucking dark in the room," I laughed.

Rose laughed, too. "You really cannot miss it. Even if she was blind, she would still be able to feel it and know something was wrong."

Yuck. "Isn't there a cure or something?'

Rose shook her head. "I always get mine frozen off and I try to keep up my immunity, but Ryan didn't care, and it would just get worse."

"Wow." I didn't know what to say.

Rose wiped the freshly fallen tears from her cheeks. "So, let's go get fucked up!"

I laughed. "What?"

"Silvers! Come on, we still have two more hours until free beer ends!"

I giggled and jumped in my car. "See you there!"

~ Two Hours Later ~

I wasn't sure I was having such a good time. I certainly wasn't having as much fun as Rose was. I was shitty drunk. Rose was an amazing fucking dancer with a body to die for, even I was drooling.

So were Edward and James.

I left Rose on the dance floor with her circle of guys. I approached Edward and James who were nursing beers on the sidelines, watching the show Rose put on. If I was sober, I probably wouldn't have bothered with them. I knew I didn't need to; I was trying to quit Edward, and I had been doing pretty well.

"She's alive!" Edward teased.

I rolled my eyes and leaned against the bannister with them.

"Where you been, favorite girl?" he asked.

"I've been busy trying to reduce the number of ass holes in my life," I said seriously.

James laughed loudly. "Good one, Bella. She's talking about you, bro!" he nudged, Edward.

Edward scoffed. "I fucking know, dude."

We stood silently for a few moments, just admiring the beauty that was Rose.

"Who's your friend, Bella? She's fucking hot," James asked.

_Ugh. _"That's my friend, Rose."

Edward nodded, "A fine Rose, indeed." Edward and James laughed.

"Is she single?" Edward asked.

"Actually, yeah. As of today."

Edward and James looked at each other, their eyes perked up.

I was so irritated. Edward would never touch Rose, not over my dead body.

"Why don't you introduce us to her, Bella?" James asked.

"I'd be glad to, but there's something you have to know first," I said. "There's a reason she's single."

They both turned to look at me. I had their full attention. "She's got genital warts."

"No way," James said. "You're just fucking jealous that she's hotter than you."

My jaw almost hit the floor. Asshole. "Yeah, that's totally it, James. You go for it; I hope your dick falls off. Don't say I didn't tell you so." I stomped off in the direction of the exit.

**Author's Note: Hola! I made it back from my vaca, very broke, but good nonetheless. It did inspire what will be a new fic in the near future. Anyways, hope you enjoyed this chapter, more to come soon. Thanks for the reviews! 3**

***Also, on a personal note, you may remember at the beginning of this story I said a lot of it was based on true events - involving me. This chapter was one of them. I will always regret what I said that night, because it was wrong and because months later it did come back to bite me in the ass. I've never been so ashamed of myself. She was just one of many friends I lost because of "Edward." **

**Although this story is very different than my own (mostly the ending), there are still a lot of similarities between the two and sometimes I don't want to relive it (aka I don't want to write it). I didn't live it as gracefully as Bella does (yes, she is graceful compared to myself).**

**Hope you enjoy the rest, and maybe learn a few lessons along the way. **

**Twitter: AllOrNothingKR **


	9. Giving In Ch 9

**CHAPTER 9:**

**Giving In**

**(Bella)**

I don't know how long I'd been asleep in my truck when Edward knocked on the window. I was too drunk to drive and I wasn't going to lie about it.

I lazily cranked my window down.

"I thought you left," he said.

I rolled my eyes. "Obviously not."

"Waiting on someone?" he asked.

I scoffed. "No, I don't have a shiny little badge like you, so I have to worry about drinking and driving." It was no secret that they all protected each other. Edward frequently drank and drove, they all did. All they had to do was show their badge and away they go.

"Okay, fair enough."

It was silent for a few minutes. I closed my eyes. I waited to hear him start his truck which was parked near by. I didn't hear anything. "Are you still here?" I asked, before I opened my eyes.

He laughed. "I am."

"What do you want?" I asked sitting up straighter. "I think I can drive now."

"You know what I want," he whispered.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. I instantly felt heat between my legs. I had to stay strong. "Where's Stacey tonight?" I asked.

"You wouldn't even give me a chance to explain about her, and she's seeing someone else now."

"Oh, that's too bad." I didn't feel sorry for him. "How does it feel to not have something you want?"

He shook his head and laughed a little. "You're really fucking feisty when you've had too much to drink."

I shrugged my shoulders.

"But, to be honest, it sucks; to want something that you are unable to have."

I knew exactly what he meant and exactly how he felt. I wanted him, but I didn't need him, and I couldn't always have him.

"I want you, Bella. Always you."

Fuck me. "Edward..." I pleaded.

"Follow me home, Bella."

"No."

"Yes," he demanded.

"Okay." I'm such a push over.

He grinned wildly and headed to his truck. I followed him home. I followed him inside, down the hall, and into his darkened bedroom.

"Take this shit off," he demanded, as he struggled with the button on my jeans. I shimmied out of my jeans and threw them across the room. He pulled his shirt over his head and stepped out of his pants. He smelled like a mixture of smoke and cologne. It made me ache inside. It had been entirely too long since my body felt this way.

Before I knew it, we were both naked and against the wall. With very little effort, he lifted me up and my legs wrapped around him. He leaned me against the wall and held me with one arm around my waist as he lined himself up at my entrance. It occurred to me that he hadn't put a condom on. He was religious about using condoms. Edward didn't do kids. Before I could get my mouth open, he pushed deep inside me with one quick thrust. Fortunately, I was on the pill. My eyes closed and my head leaned back against the wall as he continued to slam into me. This Edward was hot and angry and I loved it. It felt so good not to have anything between us. His pace became so quick and forceful that the back of my head repeatedly hit the wall, causing a loud thud. The amazing feeling between my legs far outweighed the pain in the back of my head. I felt him start to slow.

"No! Don't stop!" I cried. "Please, Edward." I was so close. I squeezed my thighs around him tighter. His pace quickened again and again and again until I was screaming in pleasure. I was hot, sweaty and useless. My body went limp. He pulled out of me and backed away from the wall, letting my legs and feet fall to the ground. I nearly fell over, but he caught me.

"My legs don't work," I mumbled, still feeling high from the euphoria of my orgasm. He laughed and helped me to the bed.

"Bend over," he demanded as my knees hit the side of the mattress. My ears perked up and my eyes opened wide. I did as he asked and leaned over the side of the bed with my elbows propping me up. I looked back at him just as he positioned himself behind me. He filled me up again and held onto my hips. The sensations inside me were completely overwhelming. The angle he was at was doing things to me I had never felt before. The sounds our bodies made as they struck each other seemed so loud and dirty. I could tell by his pace and his little groans that he was close. He gripped my hip tighter with one hand while the other fisted in my hair, pulling my head back and to the side so I could watch him. I squeezed my girl muscles together and he lost it, with two more good thrusts, he was coming. He pulled out and made his deposit on my backside before falling forward on top of me, exhausted.

We were quiet for several minutes. At one point I thought he had fallen asleep.

"Edward?" I whispered, barely able to breathe.

He groaned. "I fucking love your pussy."

I laughed loudly, not expecting that. "I love your cock."

I felt him smile against my shoulder as he kissed my back before getting up. "Don't move," he demanded.

I stayed still and watched as he disappeared into the bathroom before quickly returning with a hand towel. He cleaned me up and tossed my jeans to me before returning to the bathroom. I was spent. I wanted nothing more than to climb into his bed and pass out, instead, I got dressed.

Edward returned a moment later, wearing only basketball shorts. "That was a one time occasion, it won't happen again."

I was confused for a second. "What do you mean?"

"I didn't use a condom."

"Oh, yeah. Why didn't you?"

"Because I'm an idiot, and I desperately wanted to know what you felt like."

I tried to hide my smile. "You felt amazing."

"That's what it sounded like," he teased, as he led me out of the room.

He walked me to the front door. "Don't be a stranger, Bella."

"Don't go on vacation with other girls, Edward," I said as I opened the door and let myself out.

I heard him scoff. "We're not fucking married!" he teased.

I ignored him and climbed into my truck to head home. I had to be at work in three hours.

**(Edward)**

I slept better that night than I had in a long time. I hadn't fucked a girl without a condom since I was married and that was nearly 10 years ago. Bella, by far, was the best lay I had ever had. She feels unlike anyone else inside, so tight, warm and wet. She was addictive, and I was conflicted. I didn't even understand myself and what I really wanted anymore. All I knew, is that I wasn't ready to quit her.

**Author's Note:**

**Sorry for the delay in getting this one posted! The person I was stealing internet from moved. =( Thank goodness for Starbucks and Panera!**

**Hope you enjoy. More to come soon. **

**Also, my next fic which is currently still unnamed will be posted in the near future. It will be my first drabble and it's just kinda flirty and fun with a bit of drama. I've already written the first 20 chapters so hopefully I'll get it up soon. **

**Thanks for those of you that faithfully review. :)**


	10. Game On Ch 10

**Chapter 10:**

**(Bella)**

**Game On.**

Things were good between Edward and I for a couple of weeks. We saw each other, after hours, at least once a week. His sex was just like a drug to me and I needed my frequent fix. Unfortunately, Edward had decided it was time for a new game of sorts.

I looked at the text message again, feeling my cheeks flame in anger. _I told you, I'm not fucking you again until I get one of your friends. You had one of mine, it's only fair. - Edward_

I didn't know how to respond. That was fucking stupid and childish. There was no way I was letting any of my friends near him. No fucking way.

After nearly a month of no Edward, I was more frustrated than ever before. I knew I could technically go out and get laid by any random guy, if I wanted to, but it wouldn't be the same. It wouldn't be Edward.

I had given his proposition a little more thought. If he wanted one of my friends, he could have one of them, or at least he could be led to believe he was having one of them.

I started scouting out the girls at work while I lamely folded little pink pants, waiting for my shift to end. I rarely worked in the children's store and it was so boring. Everything was so tiny, and then I saw her.

Stephanie. She was such a fruitcake. I knew she did her fair share of drugs, so she probably did her fair share of guys, too. She wasn't that cute. Her smile was cute, but she was a little on the heavy side.

I decided to strike up a conversation with her. "You ever been to Silvers?" I asked.

"What? What is that?"

"It's a bar. Free beer until 11:00 a.m."

"Really? Free beer? When and where?" she laughed.

I smiled. "What are you doing after work?" I knew Edward would be at Silvers. It was Sunday night after all.

She was totally game; however, she didn't exactly know what she was in for at the time. We made plans to meet up as soon as we got off work. I told her I'd pick her up and drive her. I didn't want her to be able to get away.

I picked her up at her apartment. It wasn't in the best neighborhood, but it's sort of what I expected from her. As soon as she got in the truck she lit up a joint. It sort of worried me. I mean, I was going to set her up with a cop. I declined her offer when she tried to pass the joint.

When we arrived to Silvers I had to keep her occupied with free beer. I knew Edward wouldn't arrive until just before 11:00 p.m. She was all over the place. She was definitely a slut.

Finally, I thought. Edward arrived.

"Hey, Steph, let me introduce you to my friend."

"Okay!" she beamed and swayed her way over to me and took my hand. I led her across the dance floor to where Edward was.

Edward and I looked each other up and down. "Edward."

"Bella," he nodded.

"This is my friend, Stephanie. She's single." I forgot to ask if she was single, but I was pretty sure she was, and if she wasn't she didn't seem to care.

"Well, hello, Stephanie."

"Hey! Oh my God, Bella. He's so cute. Are ya'll fucking?"

Oh my god. My face probably turned all kinds of red. "No, not anymore," I said. "We're just friends."

She giggled. I excused myself, but whispered in her ear before I left. "He's really good in bed."

She winked at me.

Edward winked at me.

Perfect.

Many beers and a few shots later, I was following Stephanie and Edward to his place, and James was following me. I was grateful to be in a cop caravan sandwich because I had definitely drank too much. My driving was fine, but legally, I was wasted.

As soon as we all walked into Edward's house, Stephanie lit up a joint. I guess I forgot to mention to her that he was the police.

Edward, James and I all shared a look. A look that said, what happens here, stays here. We all declined the joint. Stephanie was pleased to have it for herself anyway.

The next thing I remember was all four of us on Edward's bed. There were cell phone cameras and videos. I didn't think it was possible for two girls to suck one dick, but by god we tried.

Everything that she did, I tried to do better. She was a total freak. She would just spit on his cock and keep sucking. It was so vulgar, but Edward and James thought it was "fucking awesome."

"I don't need to spit on your cock to make it cum," I said as I pushed her away from Edward and took over. I knew I could make him cum, but I didn't want to. He had to fuck her so I could go back into rotation. I gave up on Edward and focused my attention to James, not because I wanted James. I wanted Edward and Stephanie to hurry up and get it over with.

I couldn't help but watch them as they fucked. Edward was a god damn machine. He pounded into her over and over and over and she had this high pitched little scream. I think she thought it was cute. It was sort of making my ears bleed. He finally came and pulled out of her, tossing the used condom to the side of the bed.

Edward and James took turns going down on her. I watched from the side. She was so loud and I could smell her. Gross.

Edward and James wanted me to go down on her. No. Fucking. Way. It was hairy and stinky. I whined and complained for a few minutes before they both pushed my head down between her legs. I just let them hold my head down there for a couple of minutes and fortunately, Stephanie played along. I moved my head around a little bit, but I was not opening my mouth. After a couple of minutes they let me up. James took his turn with Stephanie. Edward stroked me softly with his long fingers. I wasn't really into it. I was suddenly very sober and extremely ashamed.

Edward looked over to me. "You were a really good sport tonight."

I scoffed. "Great, I'm so proud of myself," I said sarcastically.

Edward laughed.

Eventually James had to leave and he took Stephanie with him. I followed shortly thereafter. The sun was already up and I was half an hour late for work. I wasn't even dressed appropriately and would have to make the drive back across town to get myself cleaned up.

I felt like shit for what I did that night. I didn't really feel bad about offering Stephanie up, she was a slut and she liked it. I felt bad for the way I treated myself and allowed others to treat me.

Oddly enough, I never saw Stephanie again after that night. I don't even know what happened to her. People at work said she just never came back; she didn't give a notice or anything.

It was the following week that I met someone new while I was out with an old friend from high school. I had no idea how much trouble I'd find myself in with another man of the law.

**Author's Note:**

**Sorry for the delay in getting this one posted. To whomever(s) nominated WWGWP to The Lemonade Stand, thank you! **

**I know you all have a love/hate (or mostly hate) relationship w/ B/E but it will get better . . . eventually. **

**Thank you for the reviews. 3**

**If you're not already reading it - you need to check out my newest fic, Cruise Ship Confidential - it's a drabble and it's so very different than this. More love and a lot less hate AND daily updates! **

**Twitter: AllOrNothingKR**


	11. Crotch Rocket Ch 11

**Chapter 11:**

**Crotch Rocket**

I had met up with a girl that I used to go to high school with that I hadn't seen in years. We met at a little hole in the wall sports bar. We drank a lot, laughed a lot, and kicked ass at darts.

It was shortly after 2:00 a.m. when I made my way to the square shaped bar to get another drink. The only place I could squeeze in was next to a guy and his bike helmet. I'd always wanted to ride a crotch rocket.

I excused myself as I squeezed in and ordered my drink. The guy smiled at me. He was cute.

"Hey, I'm Bella. Is this your helmet?"

"Yeah, I'm Paul. Nice to meet you," he said as he put his drink to his lips and tipped it up. I'm not sure what he was drinking, but it was clear and in a small glass, so it was probably something strong.

Jennifer, the friend from high school that I met up with, was still across the bar playing darts with a couple of guys.

Paul and I got to chatting and I nearly choked when he said he was a Sheriff's Deputy in a neighboring county.

He laughed. "Don't be scared. Not all cops are good cops, you know?"

I scoffed. "Oh, I know. Trust me."

Within an hours time the bar was closing and we had to leave. I had lost track of Jennifer. I think she left before I did.

Paul and I walked outside to the small parking lot where he showed me his bike. It was red, silver and black and it looked fast.

"Wow, that's nice," I said as I noticed the extra helmet clipped to the rear side.

"You want to ride?"

"Now?" I asked.

He shrugged, "Why not?"

I could think of a million reasons why not. We both had too much to drink, it was going on 3:00 a.m., and we were less than two miles from Edward's house.

"Okay," I agreed. He was the law, after all. They're invincible, right? Besides, maybe Paul would do me some good. Maybe I could forget about Edward.

Paul put the extra helmet on me and tightened the chin strap just right. It was big and heavy and I'm sure it was ruining my hair. I climbed on the bike behind him and held on tight.

The streets were deserted. The air was cool. He was going so fast. On the main roads we reached speeds in excess of 80 miles an hour, in a 40 mile per hour speed zone. I had never felt such a rush before. When he hit the gas and accelerated quickly, it made my stomach fly into the clouds.

When he turned down a side road that I knew would lead us directly to Edward's neighborhood, I felt my chest tighten. It was a long winding road with a lot of hills and curves. We were flying around the curves and I'd lose my stomach over every little hill. It was exhilarating and terrifying at the same time. We would get so close to the ground in the tight curves and all I could think about was falling off the bike and the way the pavement would feel against my skin, scraping and burning flesh against pavement.

We passed Edward's house. There was nothing unusual. His truck and his cruiser were in the driveway. The house was dark, except for the light from the TV in the living room.

We circled the neighborhood and turned around to head back out. We would pass Edward's again.

About a quarter mile after we passed Edward's we went around a wide curve and a dog came out from between two cars parked on the street. I squeezed my eyes closed as I screamed and felt the bike coming to a quick stop, and then I was falling. I tried to tuck my elbows inward as we slid across the pavement and into the side of a blue car on the street. A car alarm started going off. I couldn't assess my injuries. I was panicking.

"Shit!" I screamed, after we had stopped. "Are you okay? What do we do?"

A person at the house the car was parked in front of was coming out the front door and so was a neighbor on the other side of him.

"Run!" Paul said, as he picked up the bike, jumped on, and took off, without me.

Run? I could barley walk. The vehicle owner was running down the steps and hill of their front yard.

I quickly hobbled into the yard across the street and headed back towards Edward's when I heard someone yelling at me stop.

It was Edward. He was between two homes, a house down from his own, his gun in his hand.

"It's me, Bella," I whisper-yelled.

I started to hear police sirens and I thought I was going to pass out.

I heard him say, "What the fuck," under his breath. "Come back here!" he yelled suddenly.

I hobbled between the two homes and into their back yards.

"What the fuck are you doing?" he said quietly, but angrily.

I was a crying mess at that point. My heart was racing. My entire body ached. I couldn't even speak.

"Fucking Christ," he said. "Come on. Be quiet."

He put his arm around my waist and we quietly made our way through one backyard and into his own. We went around the side of the house and entered through the kitchen. He closed the front blinds just as the blue lights approached and passed his house.

He sat me down at the kitchen table and started removing the oversized helmet from my head.

"What the fuck were you thinking, Bella? Jesus Christ. You could've been killed!"

I just sat their and quietly cried, waiting for the knock on the door that I felt was inevitable.

"And was that Paul? I didn't even know you knew him. He's trouble, Bella."

I scoffed. "Isn't everyone, Edward?"

Edward rolled his eyes as he checked me over. My right arm hurt so bad and I hissed when he tried to move it.

He disappeared through the kitchen for a few moments before he came back with hydrogen peroxide and cotton balls.

It was only then that I looked down at my right arm. There was a three inch by two inch area right at the crook of my arm that was bloody and covered in dirt and pavement pieces.

"Come to the sink," he demanded. I couldn't stand. My right hip was unbelievably sore.

"I can't," I cried.

He sighed and helped me up and over to the sink where I held my arm over it while he prepared to pour hydrogen peroxide all over it.

"Don't scream," he demanded.

I held on to his shoulder and turned my head the opposite way, I couldn't watch.

Before he was finished, I was biting his shoulder in order to not scream.

He disappeared again and returned with a pair of cotton boxer shorts. "Take your pants off," he demanded.

"What?" I said loudly. Sex was the last thing on my mind.

Edward rolled his eyes at me. "You've got a fucking hole in your hip!"

I looked down and sure enough, on my right side, the black pants I was wearing had a basketball size hole in the hip which displayed a gruesome injury.

"I think I'm going to pass out," I said.

I remember hearing Edward laugh, and then nothing. Silence. Darkness.

I recall waking up momentarily to a knock at the door and voices.

"Yeah, man. I heard the crash and went outside but I didn't see anything. I heard the sirens and figured you guys would be on it. There was a girl? I don't know man, I didn't see anything. Alright, good luck. Goodnight."

I didn't know where I was, but it was dark. I heard his footsteps coming closer and he pushed a glass of water into my hand and two white pills into the other. He physically sat me up against a wall. I was on a bed.

"Take these."

I didn't question him. As soon as I handed the glass back to him, I was asleep.

I woke some time later to the bright sun shining into the room. I was on Edward's couch, in a pair of boxer shorts.

I nearly shot up off the couch when I heard him clear his throat. He was sitting in the chair opposite of me, drinking a cup of coffee.

I regretted my sudden movement almost immediately. I was so sore. "Why the fuck?" I asked as the events of last night slowly came back to me.

"Good morning," he offered.

I scoffed. There was nothing good about this morning, except that I had technically spent the night at Edward's.

"Your clothes are in a bag on the kitchen table. Get your things so I can take you home."

I didn't even have the energy to argue with him. I didn't know what day it was or where I was supposed to be. I felt like I had been hit by bus.

I could hardly walk. He literally had to put me in his truck. "Just take me to the hospital."

"I think you'll be okay."

"No, I'm not," I whined.

"They'll know. The police will have notified the hospitals to contact them if someone comes in and fits the description of you with similar injuries."

Ugh. He was right. "Fuck."

I rode silently until we arrived to my apartment. I didn't remember until I was there that my truck was still at the bar. I didn't care. I'd find a ride later.

"Thank you for the ride," I hesitated, "and for everything."

He nodded and pulled a small plastic zip lock baggie from his pocket. There were little white pills in it. He shoved the baggie into my hand.

"Those will help with the pain."

I smiled. "Thank you, really."

"Get out of here, and try to stay out of trouble. Paul may be a cop, but he's as crooked as they come."

I didn't know what that meant, but I nodded my head in understanding.

**Author's Note:**

**Hola! Sorry for the delay in getting this updated, but hope you enjoyed. Thank you all for the reviews! Edward and Bella will start to make some progress in their journey soon. **

**Twitter: AllOrNothingKr**


	12. Too Late Ch 12

**Chapter 12:**

**Edward POV:**

It had been your typical night I guess, maybe a little more somber than usual. I just didn't understand people sometimes, or why people do certain things. I was on patrol and got a call on a domestic. Usually it's the same people, in the same neighborhoods, with the same problems, but this one was different.

This one was a three bedroom two and half bath in a good neighborhood. Three little kids were lined up on the catwalk of the stairs over looking the foyer. The fourth, answered the door. The house was clean. Spotless.

"Um, my dad hit my mom. She's crying. We were scared. I'm sorry if this isn't an emergency, we didn't know what to do," he said, looking back at his siblings above. He couldn't have been 12 years old.

"It's a good thing that you called, don't be afraid to call. If something feels wrong, it usually is."

I looked out back over my shoulder. We didn't normally do domestic calls on our own, but my backup hadn't arrived yet and so far, it seemed pretty harmless. I should've known better, nothing in this job is ever fucking harmless.

The dad came into the foyer. "What the fuck is this? Nathan, did you call the police?"

The little boy backed away towards the stairs. I could smell the alcohol on the father from ten feet away. He was also wet. The front of his clothes were wet, his hands had water dripping off of them. I felt my chest tighten.

"Sir, where's your wife?"

"She's taking a bath. She cheated on me, man."

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. I radioed for backup, stat. "Nathan, why don't you take your brothers and sisters upstairs into a bedroom and close the door while I talk to your dad, okay? I'll be up in a minute."

Nathan nodded his innocent 12 year old head and bounced up the stairs as I asked. I radioed for enough backup that at least one female officer had to be coming. She could tell them. She could tell them that they would never see their mother again.

The father sat down on the stairs as he cried. His hands in his hair. "All I ever did was give her everything she wanted. This house, those kids. I work all the damn time to give them every fucking thing. Two years she's been seeing this other guy. Two fucking years. She told me tonight that she was going to take the kids and leave. I just flipped out man."

"Stay there," I said, as I unlatched my gun from it's holster and made my way through to the back of the house. I passed through an open kitchen/living area and to the left there was a small hallway. There was a guest bath on the left and the master bedroom on the right. I ran into the bedroom and through to the bathroom and my suspicions were confirmed.

"Jesus Christ." Another radio call, "I need an ambulance, and coroner."

I checked her for a pulse and didn't find one, but she couldn't have been in there that long. Against protocol, I pulled her from the tub and laid her out on the bathroom floor. She was cold, but not as cold as most. I started CPR but she wasn't responding. All I could see in my mind were those kids faces. Four kids, under the age of 12, who just lost both parents because of their selfish fucking father.

I heard sirens and people entering the house. The EMTs came into the bathroom.

"She's gone," I said, "but go ahead and check her out. She couldn't have been in there very long. His hands were still wet when I got here. I wasn't fast enough," I said as made my way out of the room.

I briefly met with the homicide detective and told him what I knew. Another responding officer had already taken the father into custody. He didn't even put up a fight. He didn't deny it. I glanced around the house. There were no women officers. Our Captain had showed up and I told him of the situation and the four kids upstairs. He called for a child protective services agent and then he told me to lie to the kids and let them know their parents were just going away for a little while.

I knew which bedroom they were in as I came to the top of the stairs. It was the one on the left with the mountain of eyes peaking through an inch wide opening in the door. They all scattered backwards as I approached. I knocked lightly and pushed open the door. The youngest was just a toddler and she didn't look like the other three. Maybe she would still have a father.

I sat them down on the edge of the bed and I kneeled in front of them. "Your mom and dad are going away for a little while to get some help. Do you have a grandparent or family member near by that you could call?" I asked Nathan, the oldest one. I didn't want them to spend the night with CPS.

Nathan nodded his head.

All of them had the biggest tears I'd ever seen dropping down their little faces. It took everything inside of me to hold it together. They'd never see their parents again.

A CPS agent entered the room, finally a fucking woman to deal with this shit. I told the kids goodbye.

It was another hour before I had made the necessary reports and ended my shift.

Nights like that fucked with me for a while. So, when I heard the crotch rocket go by the first time, I didn't pay much attention and continued to drink my beer and recalled the earlier events of the night in my mind. I happen to be looking out the window when it went by the second time. I knew immediately it was Paul. Although I knew he had a bike, I couldn't identify it that well, it was his unmistakable helmet that gave it away. He was the only ass hole I'd ever seen with neon lights on his fucking helmet.

I heard the crash seconds later. I put my beer down, grabbed my gun, and went outside. It wasn't really a secret that Paul was into some hardcore shit. He didn't work for the same agency as I did and the agency he did work for was pretty fucked up, so maybe they didn't care, or maybe they didn't know, but everyone around here knew he was dealing.

He took off from the scene rather quickly and that's when I noticed another person, a girl, fumbling my direction. It wasn't until I heard her speak that I realized it was Bella.

I got her inside and cleaned up. I covered for her when they came knocking. I tended to her wounds and watched her sleep all night. I never closed my eyes. I couldn't stop thinking about those damn kids, and how fucking stupid Bella was. Sometimes I just wanted to knock some sense into her so bad.

She was pretty fucking gorgeous when she slept. She dreamed, constantly. You could see her eyes beneath her lids going back and forth a mile a minute. Her face told a story as she slept. Her lips parted and pouted and occasionally smiled. It was fascinating. I wondered if she was really dreaming or if she was in pain. She was definitely in pain, but I didn't know if that was the cause of the little whimpers in her sleep.

Sometimes I wished I had a normal career so I could date a normal girl like her, and stop pushing her away. I'm always, always, pushing. Losing someone you love is hard enough, so why let them love in the first place? Push. Push. Push. That's all I knew I how to do. That's all I did.

**Author's Note: Finally! An update! lol I'm sorry I've been a total slacker. I've finally got some decent writing done this weekend so hopefully the next update is only a week away. Don't forget to review! And thank you to those that do it faithfully. 3**

**Twitter: AllOrNothingKR**


	13. Going Through Changes Ch 13

**Chapter 13:**

**Going Through Changes**

**Bella**

I had to take a cab back to the bar to get my truck. None of my "friends" would answer the phone. Not even Alice.

It wasn't until I returned home later than evening and had gotten on my computer to start on some homework that I noticed something on my Facebook page. Rosalie and James were now friends. I felt my stomach turn a little, but didn't give it much more thought.

Classes were out for summer break. I was working a lot. I hadn't heard from Rose in a couple weeks, until I got a call from her late one night. It was so late, I thought it might be Edward.

"Bella?"

"Yeah, Rose?"

"James sent me a message on Facebook and said he wanted to take me out, but that you said I had an STD and he wanted to know whether or not it was true."

She was crying before she finished the sentence. Like, balling. Hyperventilating crying. Hiccups and all. There was no use in lying.

"I'm sorry, Rose. I was drunk, he and Edward were talking about you. It just came out. I'm so sorry."

She screamed. So loud. "How could you do that! How could you say that to anyone! It doesn't define me! You've slept with triple the amount of guys I have! I would never hook up with James or Edward. You didn't have to tell them," she cried.

My heart was broken. Shattered into a thousand little pieces. I cried, too. "I'm sorry, Rose. I'm sorry. I'll tell them it was a lie."

"I don't care what you do, just don't ever talk to me again," she said as she hung up.

I was so depressed that I couldn't even be excited when he text messaged me later that same night.

_Pick up a six pack and come share it with me. - E_

_You got a deal. This has been a shitty day. - B_

_You got that right. See you soon little girl. - E _

I took a quick shower and let my hair dry on the way there. I let myself in. He was sitting on the couch in the dark living room, with only the light from the TV on. Sports highlights. Typical.

I opened a beer for each of us and put the rest in the fridge, before I sat down next him. He turned the TV off.

"Why was your day shit?" he asked.

I told him about Rose and James.

"Sorry, Bella. That sucks. James is an ass hole."

I nodded in agreement. "Why was your day shit?" I asked.

He shook his head and fidgeted with the label on his on bottle. "You wouldn't understand, and it's not just today, its been the past few weeks."

Of course I wouldn't. When I didn't say anything, he continued.

"Just work stuff. You see shit in this job that you just cannot fathom. It's mind blowing sometimes."

"I imagine it would be. I think I've lived a fairly sheltered life compared to some of the things I see and hear."

"Most definitely, Bella."

That night was odd, and eerily perfect. We weren't jumping out of our skin to touch each other. We weren't pawing at each other as soon as I walked in the door. We had a serious normal conversation about life, how delicate it was and how easily humans destroy it, and each other.

I loved that part of Edward. It wasn't just one part of him, it was who he really was. He just rarely let anyone see it. I was honored.

When the conversation fell silent and our beer was gone, there was nothing left but to do what we knew best. Each other.

He stood and offered me his hand. I took it willingly and then led the way to his bedroom, getting a quick smack on my ass along the way which caused me to jump and giggle like a little girl.

Edward was in rare form that night. He was gentle, slow and sweet. Everything felt different between us. The way he looked at me, the way he whispered my name, the look in his eyes, the pain written all over his face. I didn't know what had gone on with him in the past few weeks, but it was definitely taking its toll.

I laid down on the bed at the foot and scooted back to rest my head on the pillows, much to my surprise he didn't undress before climbing up the bed, and over me. He settled himself between my legs and we stared at each other for a moment before he lowered his head and started placing open mouthed kisses all long my neck, up to my ear. His tongue was soft and cool and it made me tingle. His lips found mine and he was excruciatingly slow and gentle. His tongue traced my bottom lip before he pulled it into his mouth and sucked and nibbled and caused me to slowly start melting away.

It seemed like my lips had the pleasure of dancing with his for hours, but in reality it probably wasn't that long at all. When the next words came out of his mouth, I stopped breathing altogether.

His lips left mine, his erection pressed into the side of my thigh. My hands cradled his perfect face. He moved to the crook in my neck, kissed me once, and said, "I'm sorry for the way I treat you sometimes, for the things I make you do, that you don't want to do."

I couldn't breathe. My mouth hung open. I held his head in the crook of my neck, despite his attempts to slither away. I didn't want him to see the shocked look on my face. I didn't know what to say to that. I couldn't comprehend it.

Eventually he moved down my body, his hands found their way beneath my shirt and it was quickly pulled over my head and discarded. I did the same with his. It was cold in his room, the ceiling fan on warp speed. His body covered mine, kept me warm.

I leaned up and he unhooked my bra and tossed it to the floor. My nipples hardened under his gaze and he quickly took one in his mouth and covered the other with his hand as he pinched and pulled and made me come undone.

By the time our pants and undergarments were finally discarded, I was a complete fucking mess. I burned to feel his touch between my legs. I was dripping wet with need and desire for him.

"Please, Edward. Please," I begged.

He kissed my right hip bone and then my left, sending little shock waves right to my core. I swore I was going to come before he even touched me there. Finally, he came back up to me, kissed me, and entered me. It was the best kind of relief I'd ever felt. We both moaned and relaxed, relieved, that we were finally where we wanted to be. He kissed me over and over again as he slowly tortured me with his movements. I could tell he was getting close when his pace quickened. He buried my face in his neck and I held on to him for dear life. I raised my hips to meet each one of his thrusts and we were both coming undone in seconds.

He collapsed on top of me. He kissed my shoulder, and then he stilled. After a few moments his breathing was soft and rhythmic. My fingers played in his hair as I enjoyed his closeness.

Eventually, he rolled off of me and onto the other side of the bed. I sat up to leave and felt his hand on my arm, pulling me back towards him.

"Stay, Bella. Just stay."

**Author's Note: What is up w/ our assward? Sorry for the delay in getting this one posted. Real life, mid life crisis and all that jazz. Only another chapter or two before things start to get real. EPOV is next. Thank you for the reviews. :)**

**Twitter: AllOrNothingKR**


	14. Breaking Down Ch14

**Chapter 14:**

**EPOV - Breaking Down**

I was a little surprised to wake up next to Bella late the following morning, but as soon as I laid eyes on her, I couldn't help but smile.

Although I recalled falling asleep with her pulled closely to me, when I woke she felt far away. The sheets and comforter were pulled up just enough to cover her ass. She was sleeping on her stomach, facing me, with her arms beneath her head and the pillow. She was absolutely the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen. Her hair was in a mess all around her head, hiding her pretty face. It fell like waves over parts of her back. The sun light shone in through the window and it highlighted only her. The smooth skin of her back looked like honey in the sunlight. I could see the small mound of her breast peaking out from her side. She was by far the sexiest in the morning. I wondered why I hadn't allowed her to stay sooner. I had a raging hard on. I knew I needed to get up and get ready for work, we had slept too late, but I couldn't help but touch her.

My fingertips danced down her spine and across her lower back, and then slipped beneath the sheet.

"Mmm," she moaned, clearly still asleep. I laughed to myself and moved her hair out of her face. She closed her eyes more tightly together, the sunlight found her beautiful face. Her lips were crimson and pouty and I just couldn't get over how fucking beautiful she was.

I wanted to touch her. I wanted to be inside her. I wanted to watch her come in the light of day, but if I didn't move my ass, I'd be late to work.

As if on cue, she stirred. As soon as her eyes opened, it was apparent she had no idea where she was.

I laughed and kissed her cheek. "Its okay, Bella." She immediately calmed at the sound of my voice, and even smiled. "I have to get ready for work. Can you let yourself out?"

She nodded, I kissed her bare shoulder as she shyly moved her arms down to her sides and I left to get in the shower.

I got off work late. I shot someone. I killed someone. I fucking killed someone. I didn't mean to. I interrupted a drug deal. I didn't realize what I had walked up on. I had just gotten out of my car to respond to a noise complaint call that was dispatched. I had intended to just walk past the two guys in the parking lot, but before I knew it, there were guns pointing at me. One of the guys ran, the other was ready to shoot. I honestly thought I wasn't going to get my gun out of holster before he shot me. I thought I was dead when I felt it hit me. It almost knocked me on my ass. Thank god for bullet proof vests. I shot back, hitting my target. I didn't even have to time to aim to injure. I aimed to kill. I called for an ambulance and back up. A large round dark woman came running out of a building nearby. Screaming, crying, yelling, sobbing, destroyed.

"Oh, God! Oh, God! Not my baby! You killed my baby!"

Back up arrived quickly, the ambulance took longer. I did everything I could to stop the bleeding. When blood started trickling from his mouth, I knew it was futile.

I'l never, as long as I live, forget the sounds of his mother, or the pain in my chest at what I had done. Her baby was Antonio Murray, 19 years old, known drug dealer in the area. He didn't deserve to die. He was too young, he hadn't even been given a chance at a different life.

It was the night after I killed Antonio that I got her text message.

_Are you okay? I just saw what happened on the news. - B_

I didn't respond immediately. Although I would never admit it to anyone, I sobbed uncontrollably into my hands as they held the weight of my head on my knees. Not only had I killed a kid, but I later learned that he was the younger cousin of a really good friend of mine from the police academy. Although we went our separate ways after the academy, we always kept in touch and he was a good friend, loyal and honest. Although he said he understood, I knew he was disappointed in me. I would never be able to face him again.

I was most definitely not okay and I was most definitely and entirely in too fucking deep with Bella Swan. I had been fighting the images of waking up to her in my bed ever since she left it. The same questions, replaying over and over in my mind - _Would there ever be anyone as good as her? Would I ever feel the way I do for her about anyone else. Does it even matter? I cannot have her. I'll only hurt her. She will only hurt me._

After I collected myself, I responded to her message.

_No. - E_

_Oh, Edward, I'm so sorry. Can I come over? Can I bring you anything? - B _

I desperately wanted her to come over, to confess the way I felt to someone other than myself, but I couldn't. I wouldn't. I knew I was too vulnerable and she was too easy to get caught up in.

_No, you need to forget about me. I'm no good for you, Bella. Don't be concerned for me. - E_

_It's too fucking late for that, Edward, I'm already concerned. - B_

_I don't need you, or anyone else for that matter. Just go away, leave while you still can. Please. - E_

_No! - B_

I never responded and she didn't say anything further. I fucking ached for a normal life, a normal job, a wife, a home, but this fucked up existence was all I knew and all I'd ever know.

I took a few days off work. Upon my return I was assigned to traffic only until the investigation was cleared. No more patrol calls. I was okay with that. I needed a fucking break from patrol. Traffic was usually okay, it was routine for the most part. I directed traffic when schools let out, I worked auto accidents, ran radar, etc. It was a walk in the park compared to what I as used to, that is until high speed chases were involved. Sometimes, you just couldn't catch them all, and I hated losing.

Over the past two weeks, I did everything in my power to try to forget about Bella. She still sent me messages regularly and occasionally they would get a short response, but I was definitely limiting our interaction. Unfortunately, it didn't make me miss her any less. I had to get her out of my fucking head and her scent off my sheets. I swear I had washed my fucking bedding ten times and it still smelled like her. I eventually just bought new bedding and it smelled like nothing.

I had been at a local sports bar near my house chatting up a cute little blonde girl one Saturday night. I made her show me her driver's license to verify she was over 18. She looked young, but eager. I swore I felt like someone was staring daggers into the back of my head, but I didn't recognize anyone. As the night wound down, the cute little blonde and I had decided she would be going home with me. I could use a distraction from Bella, and hopefully, Jane would be it.

It was when Jane and I had gotten up from the bar and turned around to leave that I saw her. She was sitting almost directly behind me at a table with one of her friends that looked vaguely familiar. They were both staring at me like I had just killed their puppy. I felt like I had. I hesitated for a moment as I wondered what I should do. Should I ditch Jane and join Bella? I could see the hurt on Bella's face and I knew I put it there. I would always put it there. I would always hurt her. Knowing that made my decision a lot easier.

Jane was young and wild and fun, but she had a head full of air. We got straight down to business, but when it came time to actually do the deed, I found myself hesitating. All I could see when I closed my eyes was the look on Bella's face when I ultimately made my decision, grabbed Jane's hand, and left the bar. It fucking killed me.

Everything Jane did felt good, as long as I closed my eyes and imagined it was someone else. I eventually became frustrated with the thoughts and images of Bella infiltrating my mind, and decided it was time to do something about it.

I tugged on Jane's hair so she'd stop sucking my dick. I quickly tossed her on her back, slipped on a condom, and dove in. I fucked her hard. I took all my frustration out on her and felt relived when I came. I called her a cab and made her wait outside. She wasn't happy about it, but I didn't give a fuck.

Almost immediately I regretted what I had done. I knew I hurt Bella and it was the last thing I wanted to do, but I couldn't be with her, not the way she wanted, not the way even I wanted. It wouldn't be good for her. I'd just end up hurting her or she would hurt me and I couldn't let that happen. She was too addictive and all consuming. I'd never recover if I let myself fall for her, anymore so than I already had.

Weeks passed. I wanted to undo what I had done. I wanted her to talk to me. I wanted to see her smile. I wanted to see her come undone beneath me in my bed. I wanted her smell back on me and my sheets. I wanted to wake up to her in the morning. I wanted to know she was okay.

My calls went unanswered, as did my text messages and emails. I even went to the mall and tried to catch her at work one day, but she wasn't there. I spent many Saturday nights at Silvers, hoping she'd show up, but she never did and I always went home alone.

I was a complete ass hole to anyone that crossed my path in those few weeks. I just wanted her. I had gotten so much shit from my "friends" and co-workers about my attitude as of late and they all wanted to know why I wasn't up for picking up girls anymore. Eventually, they stopped coming around.

I was going crazy. I just wanted to fucking see her, to talk to her. I know I deserved what she was giving me, or the lack there of, but it didn't make it any easier. I wasn't used to not getting what I wanted, especially with Bella, and it killed me to know that I may have fucked up with her for the last time.

**Author's Note: Whew, talk about whiplash from his mood swings! The next chapter is BPOV and THE chapter that changes everything. Hit the review button please and, as always, thank you for the reviews. **

**Twitter: AllOrNothingKR **


	15. The Unexpected Ch 15

**Chapter 15:**

**The Unexpected**

**BPOV**

To say that I was shocked when Edward had asked me to stay the night would be an understatement, a huge fucking understatement. He never did that. Edward Cullen didn't allow girls to stay the night, especially not in his bed.

It was the best night of my life. Something in him had changed. He was affectionate and attentive and said the sweetest things. Some part of him was touching some part of me the entire night. There was nothing better than waking up to him smiling, at me, and kissing my shoulder.

It was unsettling how quickly things changed. When I heard the news of the Antonio Murray shooting, and that Edward was the one that did it, I knew he would be beating himself up over it. I didn't expect him to push me away, not after the night we had recently shared. I hated knowing that he was hurting so much and wouldn't let anybody in. He wouldn't listen to anyone. He wouldn't let anyone lessen his burden. He would sit in that house with his own thoughts, convinced he did something wrong and that ruined people's lives.

I didn't give up on him until that night at the bar. I had convinced Alice to come out with me, so I could apologize for being a vacant friend as of late. I wasn't expecting to see him there. I wasn't expecting him to be hitting on a girl that looked barely old enough to smoke and I sure as hell wasn't expecting him to take her home. The entire thing was a giant slap in the face. I fucking cared about him. I worried about him. I lost sleep wondering what he was thinking and whether or not he was being too hard on himself, about everything. Yet, there he was, obviously without a care in the world, as he just worked on his next conquest.

Hurt wouldn't even begin to describe the way that made me feel. At first I was in shock and devastated. I couldn't even try to explain it to Alice, she hated him as it was. She didn't even like me to speak about him. So, after he walked out with the little blonde, I just got up and left, without saying a word to Alice. I felt like I couldn't breathe, like someone had just ripped my heart out of my chest, threw it on the ground, and was stomping on it. I had to be alone.

Alice would never forgive me for walking out like that. I would never forgive myself. What I did was no different than what he did; I turned my back on someone I cared about.

As the weeks went on, his voice mails, emails and text messages became more and more desperate. Sometimes I wondered if he really was sorry. He sounded like it. I had lost so many good people in my life for making stupid and selfish decisions when it came to Edward, and I couldn't allow myself to continue making those mistakes. So, I stood my ground. I ignored him. I ignored it all, wished it would go away, but he was ever persistent. It frustrated me to no end. I hated seeing him hurting about anything, and now I was cause of that hurt, but I couldn't keep playing his games. My sanity, heart, and friendships had been on the line long enough.

The last day of my junior year of college rolled around. I had already taken the final exam. I just had to go to the last class to get my results and also receive my semester project back, which was a team based marketing plan for a new upcoming movie. It was 25% of our final grade. I was pretty sure my team nailed it.

The entire class was surprisingly full for the last day and everyone was talking as we waited for the professor to arrive. At first, I wasn't really paying attention to the chatter around me as I played angry birds on my phone. Then, I started to hear snippets of words in conversations that peaked my interest.

_Two dead. A young girl. Mercedes. I-5. Seattle PD. Near campus. Fugitive. Intentional. _

My heart raced a little faster. "What's going on?" I asked the guy that was sitting closest to me.

He went on to explain that there was some type of manhunt for some girl that stole a car in Portland and Seattle PD tried to stop her on the I-5 with spike strips and she ran them over. At least two officers were dead, one or more in critical condition.

I had been on campus all day. "When?" I asked, frantic.

"This afternoon. I heard they still haven't found her."

I quickly got out my phone and pulled up a local news app. _Joseph Ried, Andre Miller and Edward Cullen. _All the air left my lungs as I frantically kept searching the internet. Nothing said who was dead and who was hurt, just that those three were involved. I grabbed my bag and purse and ran out of the classroom, nearly knocking the professor over on my way out.

I raced back to my apartment, desperate to be alone. I called out of work. I called his phone. I sent text message after text message. Nothing. I stayed glued to the TV. They captured the girl later in the evening.

Her name was Lacy Falon. She was a repeat offender in Portland with a track record a mile long. Her most frequent conviction was prostitution. She was a known cocaine addict. She stole a vehicle in Portland and headed to Seattle. She had eluded police the entire way. So, they stopped chasing her. It was Seattle Police's idea to try to stop her with spike strips, throwing them out at the last minute, when she was off guard. She swerved around the strips, running the officers over, her speed in excess of 100 miles per hour.

I paced frantically all night, still not knowing whose fate was what and feeling guilty that I hoped the other two had died, and he was still hanging on.

By the time the next night rolled around, I knew. He was alive. The entire city was mourning the senseless deaths of Ried and Miller. I called the ICU to verify visiting hours before I arrived. I just wanted to check on his condition, as I knew they wouldn't let me see him unless I was family. Edward never talked much about his family. In fact, I only knew he had a much younger sister. I once saw a picture of them as children in his spare bedroom that he used as an office once.

I approached the counter of the ICU and asked about Edward. It was strange, but the woman's eyes lit up. "Oh, are you here to see him?"

I stumbled for a second, unsure what to say. "Yes," I finally blurted.

"What's your relation?" she asked.

"Um, well. We're really good friends."

Her face fell a little and she looked around the circular nurses station. Everyone else was occupied.

She leaned over and whispered. "Nobody has been to see him. I'm not sure why. We've notified his family several times." She placed a bracelet around my left wrist. "You're his sister, okay? Just make sure you have this on anytime you come incase I'm not here."

I noticed her name tag. _Sue._ I wanted to cry and hug her, but I tried to stay calm. "Thank you. Thank you, so much, Sue." She nodded and pointed to the room directly behind her and to the right.

I was utterly and completely unprepared for what I saw. I gasped and covered my mouth with my hand to squelch my scream. His head and face were twice the normal size. His right leg was in a cast and at least half his upper body on the right side appeared casted or bandaged in someway. His head was wrapped in white gauze; tubes and IVs extended from every imaginable place. A machine was breathing for him. His heart rate monitor beeped obnoxiously in the background. I felt a hand on my shoulder and turned around quickly.

Sue was there to brush a stray tear from my cheek. "I should've warned you that it wouldn't be pretty."

"How bad is it?"

"As bad as it looks, maybe even more so." She grabbed his chart from the slot on the end of the bed. "Swelling of the brain, internal bleeding, broken pelvis and right leg, shattered right collar bone and shoulder, broken jaw on the right side, burns on the right forearm."

I tried not to cry, but I couldn't stop myself. I was so upset to see him in the condition he was in and concerned that he'd never come out of it, that he'd never be the same. But, above all, I was heartbroken that nobody was here. Nobody had come to see him. Not a single person. His family had been notified several times. What the fuck? He was so much more broken than I ever knew.

"Will he make it?" I whispered.

Sue sighed and placed his chart back in the holder. "It's hard to say right now. It's very touch and go, the brain swelling and internal bleeding being the biggest concerns. He was in surgery most of the day yesterday and last night. He's in a coma, now. It will just be a waiting game."

She turned to leave and my eyes followed her. "Fifteen minutes left."

I nodded my understanding and moved closer to the bed. I touched his left hand, the only place I could find that wasn't covered in a bandage or cast. "Edward?" I choked out. "I'm so sorry. I'm so fucking sorry." I squeezed his hand, but it was cold and lifeless and he didn't even know I was there. I let my fingers graze over his swollen face and down his neck. I held his hand quietly until the clock said it was time for me to go. I bent down and kissed his left cheek. "I'll be back. I'll come back every day. I promise. Hang in there, okay?"

I hated to leave, but I knew I had to. I thanked Sue again before I headed home. I fell apart as soon as I walked in the door and wondered if everything Edward had ever said to me in the beginning was the truth - that all he would ever do is hurt me, even unintentionally, that he would die young, and it would just be easier to never let myself get involved with him, than it would be to love him and lose him.

**Author's Note: Heeyyyy all you new readers! I can always tell when this story has made it to The Lemonade Stand's rec list! **

**Some of this chapter was loosely based on real life events. On July 9, 2003, two officers were run over to their death by a vehicle traveling 140 mph, driven by a young girl trying to flee an unfortunate reality that was catching up with her. **

**Stay tuned, next update by next Tuesday. Thanks for reading and reviewing! **

**Twitter: AllOrNothingKR**


	16. Sinister Sister Ch 16

**Chapter 16:**

**(Bella)**

**Sinister Sister**

I had visited him twice a day every day for 20 minutes for the past week. Every day that I checked in at the nurses station they confirmed that I had been the only one there and they were certain his family was aware. Sue told me that someone called about him the day before, to see how he was doing and check visitation hours, but so far, nobody had shown up. That was in the morning.

Sue wasn't at the nurses station in the evening so I had no warning. I walked into Edward's room and staring back at me was the female version of himself. I knew immediately it was his sister. I saw so much of him in her. She was shorter than he was, but still fairly tall for a girl, she had the same exact eyes he had and she had shoulder length golden-bronze hair. She was beautiful. Her green eyes were surrounded in red. She had been crying.

"Who are you?" she asked.

"I'm Bella. You must be Emma? Is that right?"

She gave me what appeared to be a dirty look, but I was fairly certain I got her name right, although I'd only ever heard Edward mention her once. "How do you know me?" she asked.

"I'm a friend of Edward's. You're his sister, right? He's spoken of you before."

"He has? Edward talks about me?" Her eyes lit up a little.

"Well, it was just once to be honest, but I could tell he was proud of you."

Her laugh was laced with tears and sobs. "What are you to him, really? He doesn't usually have friends that are girls, especially ones that would visit him twice a day every day and claim to be his sister."

My mouth fell open in shock. "Did you tell them I wasn't? I won't be able to see him anymore."

She shook her head and looked back to Edward. "I went a long with it."

I breathed a sigh of relief. "We were just good friends, I think. Edward never could make up his mind about what he wanted, and when he did, it was too late."

She nodded. "It's always too late," she whispered.

I didn't know what to say to that, so we both stood quietly on either side of his bed. He looked worse than he did that morning. Yellower. Colder.

I kept staring at the clock on the wall, wondering if I should ask the questions I wanted to ask. I kept opening my mouth to speak to her, but nothing would come out and before I knew it, visiting time was over.

She left first. She never touched him. She didn't say a word, she just left. I squeezed his hand and kissed his swollen and bruised cheek. "Hang in there, Edward. I'll be back tomorrow. I promise."

I left his room and followed her out of the hospital and into the parking lot. "Wait!" I yelled after her as I ran towards her.

She turned around, her glare was cold as ice. "What do you want?" she spat.

I had to catch my breath for a moment. "Can we go somewhere, get some coffee or something and talk? I'm sure you have answers to questions I want to know and vice versa."

She thought about it for a moment and looked at her watch. "I'm supposed to be at work. I have to be back to Portland by 10:00 p.m., so it will have to be quick."

I nodded and told her to follow me. We met at a coffee shop just around the corner. I got coffee and she got hot chocolate.

"How old are you?" I asked.

"Seventeen."

"Do your parents know you're here?"

She looked down and shook her head.

I couldn't hold it in any longer. I practically lost it and I scream-cried at her. "Why aren't they here? Why hasn't anyone come to see him? Why!"

She stared out the window blankly while I apologized for being loud and tried to collect myself.

"He's been dead to us for years; just the way he wanted it."

"What?" I asked.

"He spent so much time pushing us all away that we gave up. My parents haven't seen him in years. This was the first time I had seen him since Christmas four years ago."

"Then why are you here now?"

"Because he's my brother and no matter how much of an ass hole he is and has been, he's still my brother. I was so worried all this time that he was in there alone," she cried. "That he wouldn't fight, that he would believe that nobody cared and that he had no reason to live."

She dabbed her tear stained cheeks with her napkin. "My parents just ignore it, like it didn't even happen. They just delete the voice messages from the hospital. When the calls from the hospital stopped coming, I thought he was dead. That's why I called this morning. I mean, who was going to plan his funeral?"

I couldn't even speak.

"Our father is a fucking doctor, you know? But he's never even called about him. What kind of parent does that?"

I had no idea Edward's father was a doctor. I reached for her hand, all of this was way more than any 17 year old girl should have to deal with. "I'm sorry." She let me hold her hand for a moment before she suddenly scooted back in her chair and pulled her hand away. "I have to go. If they find out I've been here I'll be grounded until I'm 18."

She reached in to her purse and pulled out a pen and scribbled her number down on a wet brown napkin. "Let me know if he dies." She hurried towards the door and never looked back.

I was so shocked that I couldn't even form words, much less go after her.

**Author's Note:**

**So, Edward has some family drama. . .**

**Sorry this one is a little late - real life has just been a bitch this month! The next chapter will be posted by next weekend, I'm almost finished w/ it. **

**Thank you for the reviews! **

**Twitter: AllOrNothingKR**


	17. No Guarantees Ch 17

**Chapter 17:**

**No Guarantees **

The following week was much like the one before it. Edward hadn't woken up. Nobody had been to see him, except me. The Chief of Police had called to check on his condition, but that was it. Sue had been questioning me repeatedly about who would make important decisions for him. She had his paperwork from the police department and his father was listed as his power of attorney in the event he was incapable of making decisions related to his care, but they had still been unable to reach his father. For the time being, they were doing what the doctors ordered, but if his condition deteriorated, someone would have to make decisions for him. I promised her I would try to get in contact with his family, but I knew it was useless.

Later the following week, Edward was starting to look better. His face was still bruised but the swelling had gone down significantly in his face and his brain. All of his internal bleeding appeared to be under control but he was still in a coma. The doctors said it was medically induced because he couldn't handle the level of pain he was in if he were awake, no matter how much morphine they gave him.

If he continued to remain stable throughout the next week, they would proceed with the surgery he needed on his collarbone, shoulder, and pelvis.

Two days before the scheduled surgery I sent his sister a text message.

_Edward is having major surgery on Friday. He's been stable for a few weeks, but the surgery will put a lot of stress on his body. There are no guarantees. He's going into the OR at 7:00 a.m. They estimate it will take six to eight hours to complete. I just wanted to let you know. - Bella_

I had taken the day off work and planned to stay at the hospital during the surgery. God forbid something go wrong, I just couldn't let him die alone.

I never heard back from his sister. The day of the surgery I posted up in the waiting room with books and snacks and as many things as possible to distract myself. None of it was working. I was terrified that something would happen, that he wouldn't make it, and that somehow I would have to tell his family and be faced with the fact that they likely wouldn't care. I couldn't deal with those decisions. Decisions about funerals and burials or cremations were not mine to make. I cried when I thought about the fact that even if Edward didn't make it, and there was a funeral, would anybody attend other than myself? He's practically been beating on death's door for weeks and only the occasional co-worker has called to check on his condition.

The hours passed slowly. After the sixth hour, I was complete mess. At the seventh hour, I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket.

_How did it go? I assume he's still alive since I haven't heard from you. - Emma_

_He's still in surgery. I haven't heard anything. I'll keep you posted. - Bella_

I decided I wanted to know what was going on so I made my way to nurses station to look for Sue. She wasn't there earlier in the day so I hoped she had since come on shift. Fortunately, she had.

"Have you heard anything? I asked.

She was running around the station, obviously busy. "Not yet, Bella. I'll check with the OR nurses in a few minutes and let you know, okay?"

I nodded and went back to the waiting room. Nearly half an hour passed before I heard from her.

"There were some complications, but everything is okay. They have repaired the collarbone and shoulder with plates and pins as well as the pelvis. His right leg is healing nicely. They're just finishing up. He'll be in a recovery room in about half an hour and you'll be able to see him then."

I let out a sigh of relief and a took a deep breath. "Okay, thank you."

"Anytime, Bella."

Sue hurried back to her station. I pulled out my phone.

_He's almost out of surgery. There were some complications, but it was successful. - Bella_

Emma never responded and for some reason, it infuriated me. I made it a point that I would soon track down his family and knock some sense into them.

Once Edward was in recovery, he looked much the same as he did before, except with a little less color and more bandages.

I let my fingers ghost over the back of his left hand. "You're doing really well, Edward. I'm proud of you. You're so strong." I paused for a moment, as I wondered if I should say what I wanted to say next. "Emma has been by to see you. She checks on you. She was glad to hear you made it through surgery. We're all anxious for you to come back; to heal." I felt terrible not being completely honest, but honesty would do nothing but break him further and I couldn't have that.

I visited with him for a few minutes longer before I had to leave for the night.

The following day after work and after my visit with Edward, I put all my effort into finding his family. I decided it was time to pay them a visit.

. . .

**Author's Note: **

**Sorry this one was a little short. I'll try to have the next one out as soon as I can. As always, thank you for the reviews. :) **

**Twitter: AllOrNothingKR**


	18. Fears & Affairs Ch 18

**Chapter 18:**

**Fears & Affairs**

Edward continued to improve. He still looked like he was dating death, but they said he was getting better every day. The doctor said soon they would let up on the medication that induced his coma and let him come out of it naturally. That terrified me way more than it should. What would he think? I couldn't let him wake up in the hospital alone, but would I be who he expected to see? Would he even remember me? Would he yell? Tell me to leave? Break me? I was horribly anxious about that time quickly approaching, but I was also grateful for his continual recovery.

. . .

Believe it or not, the Cullens weren't that easy to find. I couldn't locate a residential listing for them, but I did find a fair bit of information on Dr. Carlisle Cullen. He worked at a large hospital in Portland. He was a plastic surgeon, but not the kind that just gave women jelly boobs and smaller waists. He focused on emergency reconstructive surgery as well as facial deformities, scars and other imperfections.

I knew better than to try to approach Dr. Cullen at work and I really wanted to work on his wife first. The first weekend I had off work, I went to Portland and staked out the hospital where he worked. I saw his picture online. I called before I left Seattle to see if he was on duty. He was. I sat anxiously, and improperly parked, in the medical staff parking garage. Hours passed before he finally emerged. There was no mistaking that he was Edward's father. They definitely resembled each other. He was parked near the door and climbed into his black Mercedes without even looking around, he was on his cell phone as he smiled and laughed at whomever was on the other line. He didn't even seem to notice that I pulled out behind him.

I kept my distance, but followed him out to a nice suburb. Their house was massive, with one of those big semi-circle driveways in the front. He parked in the garage. The house was lit up. I wondered if Emma was inside. I drove up and down the street several times before I headed home. Everything I saw there was so different than what Edward portrayed. Edward was so modest. Their garage was larger than his entire house and he didn't drive a flashy car like the one Dr. Cullen had.

By the time I got home, it was late, and I couldn't sleep. I decided I'd drive back to Portland the following Saturday while Dr. Cullen was working and see if I could catch Mrs. Cullen alone. I did not believe that a mother could be so cold, surely I could make her see. In the meantime, I hoped Edward didn't wake up, and if he did, I hoped he wasn't aware of the false promises I had made him about Emma and his family being concerned and checking on him.

. . .

I didn't get to see Edward on Sunday. I was scheduled to work through visiting hours. When I saw him on Monday evening, he looked worse than I remembered. The swelling was still going down, almost gone actually, but his color didn't look right, and he appeared sweaty, but cold to the touch.

Sue told me he had an infection, from the surgery, but they were treating it aggressively with antibiotics and that it would be a few more days before they completely let him off the sedation drugs.

I breathed a sigh of relief at that. I wanted him to get better and to wake up and start the long process of recovery, but I was scared to death of it at the same time. I had put so much time, effort and sleepless nights into him and his care since the accident, and I'd be crushed if he didn't remember me, or didn't want to see me. Although he had been actively pursuing me before the accident, I feared this major set back may further prove to him that he shouldn't allow anyone in, that he couldn't be vulnerable, that he would only hurt someone with his eventual untimely demise.

. . .

I was scheduled to work the following Saturday, so I went to Portland early Friday afternoon. Initially I parked on the street, down a little ways from the house, but to where I could still see the garage and the driveway. I needed to know who was home and who wasn't before I attempted to make myself known. If Emma was home, I probably wouldn't get very far. I'd only been there about an hour when two people emerged from the side door on the garage. One was Dr. Cullen, who I recognized, but I didn't recognize the other woman. I assumed that was Edward's mother, but she looked awfully young. She was short and had long blonde hair. She reached up and kissed Dr. Cullen. He turned her around so his back faced the road, and her back faced the garage. I felt my cheeks pink. It wasn't a nice peck of a kiss, or even a gentle kiss. It was passionate with a lot of tongue. They hugged briefly before he opened the door to a small red car and helped her inside. She waved goodbye as she backed up a bit, and then took the semi-circle drive to exit the property. Dr. Cullen went back inside.

I couldn't help but think that something seemed totally odd about their interactions. They didn't act like a long-time married couple. They acted like new lovers. I was just about to give up and head back to Seattle since Dr. Cullen was still home, but shortly after 5:00 p.m. another car pulled into the driveway. It was a silver BMW. It stopped just a couple car lengths into the drive. An attractive lady with medium length brown hair stepped out of the car and went to the mailbox to collect the mail. I could tell without a doubt, that she was Edward's mother. She got back in her car and continued to the garage where she parked the vehicle safely inside and closed the garage before she even got out of the car.

My mind was spinning. Edward's father was having an affair? Did he know? Did Emma know? Did his mother know?

A million questions went through my mind on the way home. I had no idea how to handle this new piece of information, but I was hopeful that I could use it to my advantage.

. . .

It was four days later when I got the call from Sue. I was at home on my computer registering for next semester, my final year of college. I didn't recognize the number right away, although I should have.

"Hello?"

"Bella, this is Sue."

My heart started to race. What if something happened to him and I wasn't there? I felt my heart slip to the pit of my stomach, leaving me breathless. "What is it? Is he okay?" I asked quickly, not wanting to delay the unknown any longer.

"He's okay. His infection is gone and he was moved to a recovery room, no longer in ICU. He's been stirring a lot this afternoon. I think he's going to wake up soon. I just wanted to let you know."

I wasn't sure if I should feel excited or terrified. I was leaning more towards terrified.

"Bella?"

I realized I hadn't even responded to her. "Yeah, I'm here. So, a recovery room? Meaning no strict visitation hours?"

"That's right."

"Oh. Okay, thanks for letting me know. I appreciate it."

"Anytime."

Part of me wanted to leave immediately and head to the hospital. The other part of me was frozen in place, not quite ready to deal with Edward Cullen and his capableness to destroy me.

**..-..**

**Author's Note: So, we're making some progress here. Bella confronts Edward's mother in the next chapter. It should be posted next weekend. Thank you all so much for the reviews. :) **

**Twitter: AllOrNothingKR**


	19. Ignorance is Bliss - Ch 19

**Chapter 19:**

**Bella POV**

**Ignorance is Bliss**

After another sleepless night, I went to the hospital the following day to see Edward. His new room was nice. It was bigger and had a large picture window that let a lot of light in. I opened the blinds and the curtains to let the sun through. It made me think about how long it had been since Edward had felt the sun against his skin, or the breeze through his wild hair.

Speaking of his hair, I turned around to study it. His head dressing had been removed. His hair had been shaved on one side and the other side had gone untouched. The untouched side was long, dirty and unruly. The shaved side showed about a four inch incision that had been stitched and stapled. They had removed part of his skull to reduce the swelling on his brain in the beginning, and since replaced it. Although it appeared the scar would always be there, it was healing nicely, and if he decided to grow his hair back out, it would probably cover it, mostly.

His face looked better than I had ever seen it. Most of the bruising was gone, the swelling was down. His face was full of scruff, nobody had shaved him in days. I turned the TV on to a music channel and gathered a little shave kit from the bathroom. I filled a bowl with warm water and started. I had never shaved a mans face before. I wasn't exactly sure which direction to go. I flipped through the channels on the TV. There had to be a men's razor or after shave commercial on somewhere. After a few minutes, I saw a commercial for some super razor with five blades and a really good looking man taking his time shaving his perfectly chiseled face. I took mental notes on how he did it. He seemed to go different directions, depending on what part of his face it was. Down on his jaw, up on his neck and under his chin. I turned the music channel back on and decided it didn't really matter. It would grow back tomorrow.

I lathered him up and got started. It wasn't until I finished and was washing his face off with a warm cloth that he began to stir. He groaned actually, but his eyes squeezed tighter closed instead of opening, like he was in pain. Shit. I checked all over his face to see if I cut him anywhere, but it was baby soft and smooth and perfect.

"Edward?" I whispered.

Nothing.

I turned the volume on the TV down and took my things back to the bathroom and cleaned up. I returned to his bedside and he seemed still again. I could hear him breathing, and it was nice to hear him instead of the machine doing it for him.

I stayed for another hour. When he didn't stir anymore, I decided it was time to go.

. . .

It was two days later when he finally woke. I think it was for the first time. It was odd and not like how I expected it to be, at all. I was sitting in the chair next to his bed reading a book when I glanced up at him and he was staring back at me. I lost my breath.

"Edward?"

He didn't move, or speak, or blink. He just stared. I forgot how piercing his green eyes were. We stayed like that for minutes and just stared at each other. We didn't speak or move.

After a few minutes, his eyes began to blink not out of necessity but because he was obviously tired. He was about to fall asleep.

I stood and went next to him. "Edward? Talk to me. Don't go back to sleep yet," I pleaded.

He groaned and winced in pain. It was then that I remembered that his jaw was still wired shut. Two more weeks of that.

"Shit, no, don't talk. I'm sorry. I forgot. You can't talk. Don't try. Your jaw is wired shut."

His eyes grew large before they grew tired again. He looked down at one arm that was still in a sling from his shoulder surgery and then the other. He slowly moved his fingers on that hand, at first I thought he was just trying them out and then they began moving frantically and I realized he wanted something to write with. I rushed to the other side of the room and grabbed a note pad and pen from the bedside table. I slipped the note pad under his hand and placed the pen inside it. It was barley legible, but it simply said, "What happened?"

By the time I gathered by thoughts and gained the courage to look back up at him, he was sound asleep. I tried to wake him, but he was out.

. . .

He was in an out for the next few days. He could only stay awake for short periods of time. So far, I had only told him that there was a work related accident. The doctors told me I shouldn't give him too much information about his injuries. If he was depressed, it would take longer for him to heal and recover, especially if he knew he was the only one who survived.

. . .

I went to Portland the following Saturday, early. I knew Dr. Cullen was at work, I checked. I was still unsure about Emma, but I took the risk and knocked on their front door just before Noon.

The lady with the silver BMW answered the door. She was wearing a cute top and skirt and she looked perfect and beautiful and she was definitely Edward's mother.

"Hello, can I help you?" she smiled.

I hadn't prepared myself for what I was going to say. Not at all. I was frozen and couldn't speak.

"Are you alright, dear?"

I stuttered. "Um, yeah, uh, are you, Mrs. Cullen?"

"Yes, I am."

"Edward's mother?"

Her smile faded. She looked over her shoulder back into the house and then stepped forward and closed the door behind her. "Who are you?" she said quietly. "Why are you here? Is he still alive?"

"He's alive. I'm a friend of his."

"What do you want?"

"I just wanted to talk to you. I just wanted to understand why. He's your son. You've never even been to see him, or call about him. He almost died. He was in a coma for nearly six weeks. I just can't understand that. He needs family."

She laughed when I said the word family. "He doesn't need us, and he's made that very clear."

"But . . ." I didn't know what else to say.

"I have to go. I hope you didn't waste too much time getting here," she said as she turned to go back into the house.

"Please, wait!" I begged, but she continued. Just as she stepped over the threshold into the house, "Do you know your husband is having an affair?" I nearly yelled.

She stopped dead in her tracks. Frozen. It felt like minutes passed before she slowly turned around.

"Excuse me? What did you just say?"

"Dr. Cullen, he's having an affair."

"You're lying. Carlisle wouldn't do that to us. You just want my attention, you just want me to feel sorry for Edward."

"That's not true. I mean, I can't believe you're his mother and aren't the least bit concerned about his condition." Her eyes began to moisten. "I'm sorry, but I'm not lying about your husband. I saw them, last Friday, here."

She looked at me with obvious skepticism, so I continued. "A short blonde girl, she looked young."

She looked away from me for a moment, as if in thought, and then looked back at me. "Her car? Did you see her car?"

I nodded. "It was a little red car, parked just outside the garage."

She gasped and then screamed and then turned around, entered the house and slammed the door in my face.

_Fuck._

That did not go as I had planned.

**. . .**

**Author's Note: Thanks for reading and reviewing! More soon. Edward's talking in the next chapter, but is he remembering?**

**And how many of you saw BD2 this weekend? Ahhhhhh! *hands out tissue***

**Twitter: AllOrNothingKR**


	20. Misunderstandings Ch 20

**Chapter 20**

**Misunderstandings.**

Before I even got out of their neighborhood, my phone was chirping.

_What did you do to my mother! - Emma_

Damn it. _Meet me somewhere, and I'll explain? - Bella_

_No, fuck you. You've done enough. - Emma_

Alrighty then. That was a complete fucking disaster.

The drive home was a blur through my tear filled eyes. I didn't mean to cause even more problems. Edward would hate me. I just wanted to get her attention, to make her listen. I just wanted to understand how a mother could be so cruel.

. . .

He was awake when I entered his room the next day. The room was silent, but his eyes spoke volumes.

"Hi," I said quietly.

He raised the fingers on his good hand, his way of saying hello. I sat quietly next to his bed and he just stared at me. After a few moments I was becoming uncomfortable under his gaze and didn't know what to do with my eyes. He eventually made the little writing signal with his hand and I slipped the note pad next to him and placed the pen in his hand.

_You are pretty. _

I partially laughed, partially sobbed. "Do you remember me?" I whispered. The doctors had warned that they were still unsure of what lasting damage was done to his brain. They were certain it would take time for him to regain most of his memory and thought he would definitely have trouble initially with short term memory.

_I don't remember anything but your face looks like home. You said there was an accident. I don't remember. Everything hurts._

His script was messy and choppy and it took me more than a few seconds to decipher what it said. Even then, I had to read it three more times to be sure. I felt his fingers tapping my arm, he wanted the notepad back. I obliged.

_Are you my wife?_

I involuntarily burst into laughter. The hurt look on his face nearly made my giggles turn to tears. "No, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to laugh like that," I said seriously. He scribbled more.

_Damn._

I laughed loudly again. "Only Edward Cullen would be flirting on his death bed."

His lips slowly turned up into a small smile.

. . .

It had been a few days. He was awake more and more, but hadn't really seemed to be making much improvement with his memory.

It was late, I had to work and stopped by the hospital on my way home.

Sometimes it was just obvious to each other that we had both had rough days and we didn't talk much. We had sat quietly and watched the news on TV for quite a while when I noticed he had started scribbling on his notepad. I stood and went to his bedside and read what he wrote.

_You have to be someone important. You're the only one who comes to see me. Why? You're not my sister are you? _

I sighed. "I don't know what I am to you, Edward. You'll figure it out in time, but you're important. That's why I'm here everyday, and I'm not your sister."

_Good. You're hot, and that would be weird. I feel like I have a sister. I kind of remember her. Do I?_

I swallowed. "You do, but she doesn't live here."

He looked off towards the TV, but I knew he wasn't really watching it. I couldn't imagine what kinds of things ran through his mind. Not knowing anything. I felt like our evening had been heavy enough for one night.

I turned the TV off. I kissed his forehead and squeezed his hand. "Get some rest, Edward. I'll see you tomorrow."

. . .

The next evening when I arrived, his room was dark and he was sound asleep. I sat in the chair next to his bed and made to do lists on my phone. School started back next week.

Suddenly, it sounded like Edward tried to scream, his body shook from the confines of casts and slings and then the shrill sound turned to groans of pain.

"Edward?" I stood and went to his bedside. His eyes grew large when he saw me. "Are you okay?" I asked, concerned.

He blinked quickly a few times and looked around the room. "Were you dreaming?"

He nodded.

"It was just dream. You're okay."

He shook his head, fear in his eyes. I pushed the notepad and pen into his good hand.

_I remember._

I didn't know what to say, or what all he was referring to. "It was just a dream Edward. They said it would be a while before everything came back to you. You should sleep."

He adamantly shook his head. A nurse came in to change out whatever it was in his feeding tube and IV. By the time she had done that, checked his vitals, and a few other things, he was asleep and I was relieved. I left after that, unable to handle anything else. I was afraid he would remember everything, and he would start pushing me away again.

. . .

When school started it was a stark reminder that I no longer had any friends. After everything I'd done, I didn't deserve any. Classes all day and work after school, meant no Edward. I'd only missed visiting him maybe twice since the accident, and those times he was unconscious.

The next day after class, I had planned on going straight to the hospital because I knew they had unwired his jaw the day before. On my way to my car, my phone buzzed in my pocket.

_My mother wants to talk to you. - Emma_

Shit. I really wanted to get more information from Edward before I spoke any further with his mother. I didn't want them to suddenly contact him and bombard him with all the drama I created. I ignored her text, and the phone call I later received from a number I was unfamiliar with.

When I arrived to the hospital, I got a speech from a nurse who said he didn't need to talk much and that his jaw was still very sore, etc. She finally left us alone.

Edward had ice packs on both sides of his face. They were tied on around his head, he had a little bow on the top and it made me giggle. "You look cute."

He rolled his eyes. "We need to talk," he mumbled.

"We do, but they said you shouldn't talk much. It will make the pain worse."

"I don't care."

"Okay." I stood next to his bed so I could see him.

"I remember. I do. All of it." I started to speak but he interrupted. "Fuck, my face hurts!" he groaned.

"Told you so," I whispered. I'd do anything to delay him telling me to get lost.

He was quiet for a few minutes before he continued. "I remember how much of an asshole I was to you. You weren't talking to me before . . ." he trailed off.

"Yeah, well, you kind of almost died," I said quietly as I fidgeted with the hem of my shirt.

"But if I didn't, if none of it ever happened, you'd still be ignoring me?"

I shrugged my shoulders. "Things are different now."

"I don't think I'd be alive if it wasn't for you. I didn't have anything to live for, but I remember hearing your voice. I thought you were an angel. Some days I fought the sounds of it away, and others I searched it out, to take me away from the pain."

I took deep breaths to make the stinging in my eyes and the lump in my throat go away. "I need to ask you something, personal."

He just looked at me and waited.

"Um," I took a deep breath. "I need to know about your family. Your parents."

"Why?"

"Because I didn't understand. I was scared, I though you were going to die. They never even . . ."

He looked away from me. Pain, not the physical kind, written all over his face. "Never?" he asked.

"Your sister. She came once."

"In how long?"

"Three months," I said quietly.

He scoffed and I could tell he was laughing so he wouldn't cry. "I don't understand why you need to know. It's not really any of your business and I don't like talking about it."

"It made me angry. I thought you were going to die. I couldn't plan your funeral!" I nearly screamed.

He seemed to understand, suddenly. "You contacted them?"

I nodded.

"Fuck."

"You got that right. I'm sorry, Edward. I really think I fucked up."

He stared at me for too long. Tears fell from my eyes at warp speed. "I saw your dad with some blonde girl and I just wanted your mom to talk to me, so I could understand, so she could understand your condition. I told her about your dad." I could tell by the way his eyes grew abnormally large that I was in trouble.

"You what?" he yelled, but then winced in pain.

"Edward, I'm sorry!" I cried. " I didn't know what to do."

"She knows?" he said more quietly.

It dawned on me then, that he seemed aware of his father's relationship with this other woman. I nodded. "How long have you known? Why didn't you tell her sooner?"

His laugh was dark, but then he struggled not to yawn. He reached for my hand and gave it a weak squeeze. "I'm sorry I yelled at you. I'm not mad. It's not your fault. I'll tell you everything, tomorrow. Are you coming back tomorrow? I'm too sore tonight."

I nodded, relieved that he wasn't mad. I quickly shuffled tears from my cheeks with my fingertips. "Tomorrow, then." I stated as I stood and gathered my things to leave. Before I reached the door, he called my name.

"Bella?"

I turned around, looked at him and waited.

"Thank you," he said sincerely.

"For what?" I questioned.

"Everything. I underestimated you."

I wanted to hug him. I took a deep breath. I nodded, "I'll see you tomorrow, Edward. Get some rest."

**. . . **

**Author's Note: So, you'll get some answers in the next chapter. Sorry this update took so long, it's just a busy time of year! Thanks for hanging in there. Don't forget to review!**

**Twitter: AllOrNothingKR**


	21. From Then to Now Ch 21

**Chapter 21:**

**Edward POV**

**From Then to Now**

Sometimes I wasn't sure if my head hurt so badly due to my injuries or Bella. I was so confused, conflicted and scared. From the moment I remembered who she was, I couldn't believe it.

I couldn't believe that she had found me, that she had been here all along. Before the accident, I was certain I'd lost one of the best things that ever happened to me. My head hurt because I didn't know where we stood and there was still so much unsaid between us, so much she didn't know.

I would never be able to thank her enough for everything she had done for me. Literally, in my dying hour, she was the only one who was there.

Hearing my prognosis from the doctors was more depressing than I could've imagined. Even though I would shed most of my bandages and casts soon, I still had months and months of physical therapy to go. I had never felt so weak in my entire life. Everything was a chore; moving, breathing, touching, writing, speaking. It was all utterly exhausting. I had never felt less of a man.

When I saw her bounce happily through the door to my room, I instantly smiled, and felt something else. Something I hadn't felt in a very long time. I looked down to confirm my suspicion and laughed loudly at the small bulge beneath my sheet.

"What?" Bella asked.

I let my eyes fall downward again. "It works! And it really likes your ass in those jeans."

Bella's gaze followed mine and she blushed a deep shade of crimson, and oh my god how I had missed that.

"Some things never change, do they Edward?" she teased.

I laughed, but was mostly serious. "I'm glad that didn't change. Really glad," I said relieved. If nothing else on my fucking body worked, at least my dick did. We were pretty tight before the accident. I frequently wondered if Bella would even want anything to do with me when I eventually got out of here. I'd probably never be a cop again. I'd walk with a limp. I wouldn't be completely self sufficient for a very long time. She would eventually stop feeling sorry for me and move on with her life.

"Why the sudden sad face?" she asked. "Where did you just go?"

I glanced over to her next to my bed. "Nowhere. Nothing. You look really beautiful today."

She blushed again. It made the blood run through my veins.

"Thanks, Edward."

We were quiet for a while, until she broke the silence. "So, um, I can't stay very long. I've just got half an hour or so before I need to leave for work."

I nodded. "Right, and you want to know."

She nodded. "I need to know."

I took a deep breath, gained as much courage as I could and began to tell her the story of my past and my fucked up family. Maybe it would help her to understand why I was the way I was, before.

"After Tanya and I divorced, I was working at a small department in a suburb of Portland. I was still adjusting to everything and ended up moving into an apartment fairly close to home. That was where I met Jenna. She was a leasing agent at the apartment. She helped me get the place rent free in exchange for also doing security for the complex. We started dating, and things were going surprisingly well. In addition to working at the apartment complex, she was in school to become a nurse. I guess it was Thanksgiving one year when I finally introduced her to my family. I guess you know by now that my father is a doctor. He and Jenna hit it off immediately. I thought it was just friendly at first. You see, my father and I have never gotten along. I wanted to be a cop for as long as I could remember and for just as long, maybe even longer, my dad wanted me to be a doctor. I had no desire to be a doctor, at all. I just had absolutely no interest in it or all the school involved. My father constantly berated my decision to become a police officer. He never let me live it down. He always said it just wasn't a Cullen profession. He was a doctor, as are his brothers, my grandfather and great grandfather. I was the first one to stray from the family profession. So, initially Jenna and my father had a lot to talk to about. He was sort of her mentor."

Bella nodded her understanding and I continued. "My mother and Jenna also seemed to really get along well. They would go shopping a lot. One night not long after Thanksgiving we had been over for dinner and mom was complaining about her housekeeper doing a poor job, when Jenna offered to help. She could use the extra money to help her get through school. So then, my girlfriend became my parents housekeeper. Jenna would come by twice a week and clean and launder the bedding." I laughed, realizing for the first time that Jenna never did any cleaning around her own apartment, or mine for that matter.

"It was around that time I started to notice she was becoming a lot more materialistic. I also noticed she had a lot of new things. New clothes, shoes, etc. I thought maybe my parents were just paying her well. It was early one Saturday morning when I had stopped by the house unannounced. I knew my mom and sister had gone to Seattle for some school thing of Emma's that weekend. I had helped this older gentleman in a car accident and he had extra tickets to some concert the next weekend. He gave them to me in thanks. I couldn't go because I had to work and I didn't really care to go anyway, but I knew Emma would want to. I had stopped by the house to leave the tickets for her. I saw Jenna's car in the driveway and wondered if her schedule changed, because she was normally only at the house on Tuesday and Thursday mornings."

I saw Bella's eyes growing larger. I thought about letting her come to her own conclusions and not finishing the story, but I had never, not ever, told this story before and it was time I did.

"So, I followed the voices through the house and down the small hallway that led to my parents' bedroom. They didn't even have the door closed. They were so loud they didn't hear me." I laughed to mask my disgust. "I can't even describe what it was like to see my girlfriend riding my father like a fucking porn star."

Bella gasped and covered her mouth, but I continued. "Her back was to me, and she blocked his view of me. I watched in shock for more than a minute. I thought certainly it wasn't Jenna. That it was just someone's car that looked like hers and that her long blonde hair was just someone else's. I kept waiting for her to turn around so I could see that it was someone else's face. It wasn't. She got off of him and started sucking his dick. They both looked right me. They didn't even stop. I didn't even try to make it to the bathroom when I felt like I was going to vomit. I actually walked further into the room and threw up at the foot of the bed before I left."

"Oh my, God. Edward." Bella was clutching her own stomach.

"I guess I should've warned you about the explicit content of my past," I half teased. Bella's face turned green. "It's okay. So, what happened after that?"

"I went back to my apartment and got myself together. I finished my shift and then told my reporting officer that I wouldn't be back. I packed up what I had that night and left for Seattle the next day. I got a text message from my father the next day that simply said, "She won't believe you." He was right. My own mother didn't believe me. In fact, she was angry that I would try to destroy the family by making such accusations, and that she had requested Jenna come by that Saturday to help prepare for a holiday party she was getting ready for. To this day, I don't know what crap my father and Jenna filled my mother with, but it worked. I was so angry and disgusted with them that when they finally reached out around Christmas, I refused to acknowledge them. There was no way in hell I was going back inside that house and pretending like I didn't see what I knew I saw. So, I pushed them all away. Every one of them. I didn't want anything to do with them. That's also when I started fucking over every girl I met. They were all the fucking same."

I took a breath, and when Bella didn't speak, I continued. "After being out of touch with them for a while, my father warned that it would be in my best interest for it to stay that way. They were all happier without me around he had said."

"Wow, Edward. I am so sorry. I don't even know what to say."

"You don't have to say anything."

"I feel like I should. I mean, it must be awful feeling like there was nobody in your corner all this time. Nobody you could turn to."

I looked away from her because I didn't want her to see the emotion written on my face. "You get accustomed to the fact that you're going to die alone," I whispered. "So accustomed to it, in fact, that you believe it yourself."

I felt her next to me. Her small hand covered my larger one. Her breath was on my face and I turned towards her. Her eyes were moist.

"You'll never die alone, as long as I'm alive."

I could only offer a hopeful smile, because I wanted so desperately to believe her.

. . .

**Author's Note: **

**These two still have some hefty hurdles to get over. Stay tuned and don't forget to review! **

**Hope everyone had, and continues to have, Happy Holidays! :)**

**Twitter: AllOrNothingKR**


	22. Truth & Lies Ch 22

**Chapter 22:**

**Bella POV**

**Truth & Lies**

After a couple of days, I finally returned Esme's call. We were meeting for lunch on Saturday in Olympia. She had said only that she wanted to speak with me in person, but didn't give any details. It wasn't hard to figure out what we would be talking about. I agreed to the lunch prior to discussing it with Edward because I felt like I owed it to his mother for the way I showed up on her doorstep saying what I said.

It was Friday evening and I was in Edward's room with the nurse on duty. Edward was still in physical therapy in another part of the hospital.

"So, physically, he's improving slowly, but as expected. Emotionally, it sounds like everything is really taking a toll on him. His doctor has requested a psychiatric evaluation. In these cases, they usually just recommend speaking with a therapist or psychologist."

I nodded my understanding. "Has he still been really grumpy and mean?"

She looked up at me from the computer perched next to his bed. "Of course. Today he hates the food."

I laughed. It was always something with him. The food was really good at first, considering it was the first taste of food he had eaten in months. Before I responded to the nurse, Edward was being brought back into the room in a wheel chair. His nurse and the orderly got him situated in bed. I could tell by the look on his face that he was in a bad mood, but I had put off the topic of lunch with his mother as long as I could.

Edward had been in a bad mood for days, ever since he started physical therapy. I guess in his mind he expected to be able to do things like he used to, or that he would learn quickly, or feel better, but his physical therapy was daunting and painful to say the least.

All of his bandages were gone. His hair was buzzed. The only cast that remained was a partial one with some splint like thing around his right leg and hip, although he could now maneuver to and from the bathroom with the assistance of a nurse and a walker. He told me he'd rather shit in his bed pan, that he wasn't using a walker.

Needless to say, the past few days had been difficult, but I was trying to be patient with him.

After the nurses cleared out, I greeted him. "Hi, how are you doing?"

He huffed, "How does it look like I'm doing?"

"Well, you look better to me."

He rolled his eyes. "I don't really feel like visitors today, Bella."

I instantly felt my cheeks burn, grateful he wasn't looking in my direction. My heart raced and then my stomach turned. "Don't do this, Edward," I said quietly.

"Do what?" he asked, sounding annoyed.

"Push me away."

He took a deep breath and blew it out. "Call it whatever you want. I just feel like being alone. You should leave, now, before I say something I'll regret."

I felt the hot tears instantly pool in my eyes. I stood quickly, and knocked the chair I was sitting in backwards a few inches across the floor. I walked over to his bed. "Look at me," I demanded.

He wouldn't look. He didn't move. He didn't even blink. "Look at me, Edward!" I nearly screamed. When he still didn't budge, I placed my hand under his chin and gently turned his face towards me. I almost lost my nerve when I saw how red and moist his eyes were. "I fought every day to be here. I lied for you. I nearly lost my job for you. I skip classes for you. I do everything I can to make sure I'm here nearly every single day so that you feel like someone's here for you, so you know you're not alone. I've given up entirely too much of myself and my life to be here with you all the time, and you are not going to push me away! Do you understand!" I yelled at him and then felt my tears spill over, one dropped onto his hospital gown before I abruptly turned to leave. I didn't want to hear his response.

I turned back around just before I walked out the door. "And I'm having lunch with your mother tomorrow. Goodnight, Edward."

**Edward POV:**

As soon as I heard the door slam I somehow felt relieved. Relieved that she was gone, that I could be alone with my emotions and thoughts.

I wasn't expecting what she said. I wasn't expecting her to call me out on my shit and to basically say she wasn't giving up. She deserved so much better than me. I would never amount to even half of the average man. I can hardly feed myself, I can't walk, I can't wipe my ass, I'm thin and weak and just drained. Sometimes I wished I had of just been killed like the other officers.

Physical therapy was grueling; jaw exercises, memory exercises, stretches, lame attempts at putting weight on my good leg again. It was so time consuming and frustrating. My body didn't work. I felt pain like I'd never experienced. Simple, menial tasks felt like huge hurdles I'd never get over.

Bella was young and beautiful and had the entire world ahead of her. She didn't need me to hold her back. She was worth so much more.

I fell asleep that night disappointed in myself and conflicted. Part of me felt certain that I should make Bella move on, forget me and my problems, but the other part of me was too fucking selfish to let her go and felt horrible for the way I treated her earlier in the day. After all, she was the _only_ one who cared.

**Bella POV:**

I got to the restaurant a little early on Saturday. I at least wanted to try to make a good impression, although I knew in the back of my mind it was entirely too late for that.

Esme's sheer beauty was enough to make me fumble with my words and worry about how I was dressed. I was just wearing jeans and a nice long sleeve blouse, but she was wearing a dress, heels and her hair and makeup were immaculate.

She smiled when she sat down, that warm welcoming smile I first saw when she opened the door to her home, before I turned her world upside down.

"Hello, Bella."

I was speechless for a moment. How could anyone not want this woman as their wife? She oozed perfection.

"Oh, hi." I stumbled, as I reached my hand out to shake her extended one.

"Thank you for meeting with me."

I smiled and nodded. The waiter placed our napkins in our laps and took our drink order. The restaurant, which I'd never been to before, was pretty fancy for lunch.

"How is Edward?"

I was relieved that she asked. She did care. "Well, to be honest, he's struggling."

I saw her brows raise and the look on her face turn to one of concern.

"I mean, he's fine. Ugh. I mean, physically he is recovering. He will recover. Emotionally, it's really taking a toll on him. All of it."

She nodded and looked out the window. I thought I saw moisture pooling in her eyes. "I don't even know anything about his condition. Carlisle told me it was just a concussion and broken leg and that there was no need to be concerned or make the trip to Seattle."

My mouth was hanging open when she turned back to me. She looked embarrassed. "I think I may have been a terrible mother, Bella, to Edward."

I nodded at first, then quickly caught myself and started shaking my head, but really I had no idea. "I'm sorry, I don't know what to say. I don't know all the details."

She nodded her understanding. "How long have you and Edward been together?"

"Oh, um, we're not really together, I don't think."

"Oh, I guess I just assumed. You're just friends, then?"

Ugh. I had no idea how to answer this. Am I supposed to tell her we just fucked, and then fucked each other over, but I think we both secretly care about each other? I take that back, I know I care about him. "I'm not sure to be honest. Edward, he's, sort of complicated."

She giggled. She fucking giggled. "Yes, he is. He always has been."

There was a moment of awkward silence between us, as she clearly reminisced about her son.

"So, Bella. I'd like to know what you do know. I have a feeling I've been in the dark about a lot of things and I think you may be able to shed some light."

I fidgeted with my cloth napkin in my lap and took too many sips of water. I didn't know what to say or how much to say or . . . I just didn't know. This wasn't my family or my story and these weren't my issues. They were Edward's.

I took a deep breath and started. "I'm sorry for what happened, at your home, for what I said. I was so out of line, I just couldn't understand and I wanted to get your attention."

"So were the things you said true?"

"Oh, yes, of course, I didn't mean that. I just shouldn't have gone about everything like that."

She nodded. "Has Edward talked to you about this before?"

"Well, at the time, when I was at your home, no he had not. Since then, however, he has."

She reached across the table for my hand. "Please, Bella. I need your help. I don't know who to believe, or what is real anymore. I've learned recently that Carlisle is an excellent liar and manipulator."

"Maybe you just ignored the truth," I offered, before I slapped my hand over my mouth.

"It's okay, Bella. You may be right, and now I'm quite afraid of the truth and I think you, Edward and Carlisle are the only ones who know it, and Carlisle isn't talking."

My leg bounced anxiously under the table. I felt like I needed Edward's permission first. I was skating on such thin ice with him as it was, that I really didn't want to screw anything else up. "Right. Um, will you excuse me for a moment? I need to use the restroom."

"Of course," she smiled.

I went to the rear of the restaurant and stood in the hallway to use my phone. I got connected to Edward's room, but it just rang over and over until it went back to the nurses station. Eventually I got a nurse that I knew and she assured me Edward was in his room, there was no PT today. She did me the favor of telling him it was me and that I really needed to speak with him. The next time I called, he answered.

"Bella? Are you alright?"

"Yes, I'm fine. I just needed to ask you something real quick."

"Okay."

"I'm at lunch with your mother. She wants to know the truth. Would you rather I tell her, or do you want to?"

He laughed. He actually laughed. "Bella, she's dead to me, as I am to her. Do whatever you want. She knows the truth, I told her years ago, she just refused to believe it."

"You are not dead to her, and maybe now she's more willing to listen."

"Like I said, do whatever you want. It doesn't affect me."

I groaned. "Okay, Edward."

"Okay." Silence.

"How are you feeling?" I tentatively asked.

"I don't know. I feel okay. I think they increased my pain medication, I really don't give a shit about anything right now."

I tried not to laugh, because he did sound fairly relaxed. "Okay, well I'm glad you're feeling better. Um, I've got to work tonight, when I get back, so I likely won't get to stop by today."

"Oh," he said solemnly.

My heart broke a little at the tone of his voice, it almost sounded like disappointment. "I mean, I can try. Maybe if I don't hit any traffic getting out of Olympia I can stop by for a just a couple of minutes."

"No, Bella. Don't worry about me. Just go to work and I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"

_But I always worry about you. _"I'll see you tomorrow," I confirmed, and the line went dead.

**. . .**

**Author's Note: Finally starting to make some progress! Thank you all for reading and reviewing and hanging in there. Many of you have complained about my update schedule, or lack thereof, so now that the holidays are over and things are back to normal, I'm going to try to get back to weekly updates. :) **

**Twitter: AllOrNothingKR **


	23. Pink Confessions Ch 23

**Chapter 23:**

**Bella POV**

**Pink Confessions.**

Once I arrived back to the table, our lunch had been served. While I picked at my small salad and zucchini cakes, (it was the only thing on the fancy menu that resembled a burger) I proceeded to tell Esme everything that I knew, with the condition, that she, in turn, had to inform me of everything she knew.

By the time I finished with the gritty details as Edward had described them, Esme was flushed with anger or embarrassment, I couldn't tell which. She immediately excused herself to the restroom and was gone for several minutes.

Upon her return, she was much more put together.

"I'm sorry about that," she offered.

I nodded. "It's understandable."

She looked out the window again. "I feel like my entire life has been a lie."

I had no idea how to respond to that, so I didn't.

"I was so happy for Edward when he brought Jenna home. I thought after his divorce he would never really date again, or not seriously. Jenna was so lovely and pleasant to be around. At the time, Emma was really involved in cheerleading in middle school and I really didn't get to spend that much time with her, so it was nice to have Jenna around. She was also a really great housekeeper."

She took a sip of her water and talked down to her plate instead of looking at me.

"I never even suspected anything. Nothing. Carlisle and I were high school sweethearts. We were in love, that crazy and all consuming type of love. I thought we still were. I mean, sure things are less exciting as you age, but I thought we were doing well. So, when Edward called me and told me that Carlisle was cheating with Jenna, I thought it was the most absurd thing I'd ever heard. I admit I kind of brushed it off at first, but of course I asked Carlisle about it."

"_He said what?" Carlisle asked. _

"_Edward said that you and Jenna were having an affair."_

_Carlisle laughed. "Oh, Esme. That is funny. I'm assuming he didn't tell you about our argument?" _

"_No?"_

"_He stopped by the house this afternoon and we were discussing his career and finances. He said he and Jenna had been arguing a lot lately and he was going to move out of the apartment complex that she managed because he didn't think they would last much longer and he didn't want her to make his life hell. So, he came to me looking for money. He couldn't afford to move and pay rent on his rookie salary and he couldn't find any other apartments with openings for security. I told him, like I always had in the past, that our bank accounts were closed the day he decided to become a police officer and forego his education. Of course, he didn't like that and he threw a huge temper-tantrum and walked out and slammed the door."_

"_Why couldn't you just give him a little something to help him out, Carlisle?"_

"_You know our policy, Esme. No education, no money. He only told you those lies to try to get you angry with me so you would give him the money. He's being a selfish little brat and he should've thought about his financial needs before he made his career decisions."_

"I believed Carlisle. I had no reason not to. So, based on what he had said, I didn't think it was that unusual that Edward hadn't called or come by. When I eventually tried to call him to check on him, he would never answer or return my calls. Every so often, Carlisle would mention that he had heard from Edward, or tracked him down, but Edward was still angry at us for not lending him any money and he was giving us the cold shoulder until we relented."

"You really thought Edward cared about the money?" I asked.

"I didn't know to be honest. Obviously, he had never been that concerned about it before, but he had also never been in that position before. He was having to truly make it on his own without our help or the help of a significant other. I'm sure it was an adjustment for him, so I wasn't that surprised to learn that he was upset with us for not helping."

I placed my napkin over my plate so they waiter would take it away.

"It just all happened so fast. Days turned into weeks. Weeks turned into months and months turned into years. After the first year or two, I was more angry and hurt than sad. I sent Christmas cards and birthday cards and he never responded. He never called. I always sent a check for his birthday. He never cashed them. Carlisle said he was done with us, that he didn't want to be apart of the family. I had no reason to not believe him. Even Jenna was upset at first. She said she and Edward had an argument the night before and when she tried to find him on Sunday, he was gone. The apartment was empty and he dropped the key in the mailbox at the office. She seemed genuinely upset about the break up for weeks following Edward's departure, so Carlisle's explanation made sense at the time."

"You never had any inclination that Dr. Cullen and Jenna were seeing each other?"

She looked down and shook her head. "Maybe the signs were there and I didn't see them. Jenna and I spent a lot of time together, but I also spent a lot of time volunteering and whatnot. Nothing had changed between Carlisle and I. He never lost interest in our sex life. Nothing was out of the ordinary, except Edward. After a couple of years, it turned to hatred. I hated Edward for abandoning our family like I thought he did. He never even spoke to his sister and she was greatly hurt by that. So, after time, we just came to the realization that he wasn't a part of the family any longer, and that's how things were. We didn't speak to him, we stopped trying and that was that.

I didn't know what to say. I mean, she gave a decent explanation, but it wouldn't have kept me from my son. She obviously didn't know him well enough back then to know that Edward has never cared about money. "What about the accident?" I asked. "I mean, nobody even . . ."

She nodded. "I didn't know things were as bad as they apparently were. I thought he just had minor injuries. Carlisle assured me he was checking in with the hospital in Seattle. I was hurt that Edward hadn't even reached out to us in all those years and then when he was hurt, he still didn't even phone me."

I scoffed. "He was in a coma. He couldn't call you."

She looked away. "I know that now."

"Well, I hope you got the answers you wanted. I need to be getting back."

"Oh, yes. Of course, dear."

The waiter came by and asked how we wanted the check and I said separate and Esme said together.

"No, really, I can pay for myself."

"No, Bella. It's my treat. I asked you to come."

I relented, especially because it was twenty-four dollars. How can lunch be that expensive?

We walked out to the parking lot together where Esme thanked me again. "I mean it, Bella. Thank you. I've got a lot to figure out. I mean, I don't even know how to survive without Carlisle. I don't even know where to start, but our marriage is definitely over."

I didn't know what to say, except that I felt bad for Emma, but I didn't say that.

"Tell Edward that I said hello, and that I'm sorry."

I nodded. "Okay."

. . .

I rushed to make it back to Seattle in time to have a few minutes to run by the hospital to see Edward. I couldn't forget the disappointed tone in his voice from when I had last spoken to him.

I was nearly out of breath by the time I rushed into Edward's room. He was sitting up in bed watching something on TV.

"Hi," I smiled, as I caught my breath.

"Hi, you made it," he grinned.

I stepped further into the room. "I did. I've just got a few minutes." Then, I saw it. A single pink rose in a slender glass vase on his bedside table.

I got so excited. Someone sent him a flower! "Who got this for you?" I asked excitedly.

He rolled his eyes. "Bella," he warned.

"What?" I asked seriously.

"I got it for you. I'm sorry about yesterday."

I couldn't even pick my jaw up from the floor.

**. . . **

**Author's Note: Progress? We'll see. Thanks for hanging in there w/ me. And, as always, thank you for the reviews. **

**Twitter: AllOrNothingKR**


	24. Fearing Change Ch 24

**Author's Note: Heeyyyy. *ducks* I know it's been forever. I'm sorry. Real life hates me. I can never leave anything unfinished (except laundry and cleaning), so the remainder of the story is to follow. I finished the entire story so you didn't have to wait too long between updates. There are 4 more chapters, plus a tiny epilogue. I'll get them all up as soon as I can. You may want to read the last chapter or two to catch up since if it's been a while. I'll also be updating Aftermath in the near future.**

**Chapter 24:**

**Fearing Change**

Things had been good for the last several days. I could tell Edward was still frustrated with his physical therapy, but I could also tell he was making quite the effort to be nicer and more appreciative of me.

It was a Sunday afternoon and Edward and I were both exhausted from going over all of his bills and things. He had me go to his house and get some bills and pick up his mail from the post office. I felt like such an idiot for not thinking of it sooner. I panicked at first, thinking that he would've lost his house had nobody made the payment. Fortunately, as morbid as he was, he had planned for all of this. All of his bills, including his mortgage payment, were automatically drafted from his bank account. He was still receiving the majority of his paycheck from work by direct deposit as well.

It was the ever mounting medical bills that were frustrating both of us.

"Why did you pick such a high deductible?"

He sighed. "Because I'm cheap."

"Look where that got you. Twenty percent of all of this is a lot, like more than I make in a year."

He groaned. "I don't want to look at it anymore."

I relented and started putting all the bills back into the folder I made. "Okay, I'll put it away for now and I'll look into getting your cell phone replaced tomorrow."

I moved to get off the bed when several things happened at the same time. Although I couldn't see it, I heard the door to his room open, he sucked in a breath of air and grabbed my hand so hard that I nearly yelped. I immediately turned around.

Esme.

"Hello, am I interrupting?" she asked, politely.

I wiggled my hand free from Edward's and quickly moved off the bed. "Oh, no, not at all. Come in."

Edward scoffed. "Excuse me, this my room," he said as he gave me the evil eye, "and she's not invited in."

"Edward, please . . ."

Esme looked back and forth between us.

"Mrs. Cullen, could you just give us a moment?" I asked.

She nodded and stepped back out of the room.

"I don't want her here!" Edward immediately raised his voice.

"You don't even know why she's here, Edward."

"I don't care why she's here. She hasn't been around in years!"

Although I had discussed the details of Esme and I's lunch with Edward and encouraged him to reach out to her, he had adamantly refused. I pushed as much as I could. I desperately wanted them to work on their relationship, but he didn't buy any of her excuses. After giving it some thought, I decided I didn't want to piss Edward off, and I came up with a plan.

"I'll tell her to leave. Will that make you happy?"

He looked at me with a raised brow, unsure if I was being serious. He hesitantly said, "Yes."

I walked out of his room to speak with Esme. I explained that Edward still wasn't ready to see her, but that maybe we could go about it from a different angle. We both agreed that we would start with Emma.

"I'll bring her up next weekend. He has no reason not to speak with her. She was just as blindsided by all of this as I was, but I didn't go into detail about the affair. It's funny, she said she suspected it all along but didn't want to cause any trouble."

That made me sad. If only everyone would've opened their eyes and their mouths, maybe this family could've been salvaged a long time ago. "Next weekend is good," I said.

Esme quickly filled me in on the fact that she had decided she was going to leave Carlisle and file for divorce but she still wasn't sure of all the details. She didn't know how to tell Emma, or where they would stay and how she would get access to money without him knowing. I could've stayed and talked to her about it for hours, but I figured Edward was getting suspicious so I told her we would work it out next weekend.

. . .

"She's gone," I offered as I went back into Edward's room.

"Good," he said, but didn't take his eyes off the TV.

"She's leaving your father."

His head practically spun in my direction. "What?" he asked.

"I didn't stutter."

He seemed to think momentarily and then visibly relaxed. "She's probably lying. She probably just said that so she'd earn points with me and get in here."

I scoffed, "Really, Edward? Can't she just be a concerned mother?"

"No!" he practically yelled. "She can't! She hasn't been a concerned mother in a long time!"

"She didn't know . . ." I said, quietly.

"She knew," he countered.

I wasn't going to argue with him. "Okay. I'm going to go now, it's getting late."

That seemed to irritate him, but he didn't speak. "Do you want me to stay?"

"I need to tell you something," he said, but he didn't look at me. His demeanor made me nervous. I felt my heart rate speed up.

"What is it?" I asked.

"I'm being released in two weeks."

"Seriously?" I practically squealed. "That's great! Why didn't you tell me? Why aren't you excited?"

When he turned his face towards me, I nearly stopped breathing. He was so upset, almost to the point of tears. "Edward, what's wrong? Why are you so upset?" I asked quietly as I moved to sit next to him on the bed.

He shook his head at me.

"Tell me," I pleaded.

"I can't do it on my own. I can't live on my own." He sounded defeated and scared almost.

I leaned down to him and hugged him around his neck. "You don't have to do it on your own, Edward. I'm here. I'll help you. Everything will be fine."

**Edward POV:**

She was wrong. Everything wasn't going to be fine. Although I'd be released in a couple of weeks, I still wouldn't be self sufficient. I was eating better on my own, but still had trouble with my bad arm. I couldn't bathe myself. I'd have to go back and forth to physical therapy, I'd need a walker and a wheel chair. There was no way I could handle everything by myself. I couldn't ask her to continue to put her life on hold because of me. "You don't have to do this, Bella. It's not fair. You have a life, you have things going on, you can't cater to me."

"If I want to, I will. You've been my life for the last several months, that's not going to change just because you're in your own bed instead of this one."

She was wrong. I shook my head and looked away from her. I couldn't deal with the disappointed look on her face. That's all I'd ever be, a disappointment.

"Edward, don't," she pleaded. "Don't shut me out."

"You're so stupid sometimes," I said, barely above a whisper. If she was smart, she'd get out while she could. I heard her breath catch and could practically feel the heat radiating off of her. "You deserve so much more than this. I am not it for you, Bella!"

She stood from the bed and hovered over it. "You're not it for me?" she seethed.

"I shouldn't be. What do you want with me? I'm going to be crippled forever. You don't want to deal with this for the rest of your life. You'll get tired of this. You'll want more. I'll never be able to give you what you deserve."

I could tell she was angry. "That's for me to decide!" she yelled. "Not you! When are you going to get it through your fucking head, Edward?" She turned around, grabbed her bag and left without another word.


	25. Dreams or Reality Ch 25

**Chapter 25:**

**Dreams or Reality?**

Maybe Edward was right. Maybe I couldn't do this forever. I took the stairs down to the parking garage so nobody would question my tears. Edward was exhausting. Every day there was another challenge. Every day I was pushed to my limits. Every day left me wondering if I could make it to the next, if I had bit off more than I could chew.

By the time I got home, it was getting late. I left my homework untouched and instead found myself in the bathtub with a bottle of wine and decisions to make.

. . .

After work the following day, I went and got Edward a new cell phone and got it hooked up. He had a new number now. I programmed my name and cell phone number into it and left it at the nurses station for them to deliver it to him. I couldn't see him at the time. I had to work things out in my mind first. He needed to work things out in his. I was ready to help him, to commit to helping him, but I couldn't deal with the emotional struggle and the mood swings and constant wondering if today would be the day he sent me away for good. I was broken enough, I couldn't live to see that day.

For three days I left it up to him. I didn't call. I didn't go see him. Nothing. Every single minute that passed left me more and more upset. I had confirmed with one of the nurses that she was certain he had the phone, but that he hadn't seemed like he was in a good mood lately. She said the phone sat untouched on his bedside table.

I cried myself to sleep every night. I had given up so much for him. I still would, but he had to want it. He had to want me.

**Edward POV:**

I knew she was upset when she left my room a few nights ago, and I knew that I made her feel that way, but it was for her own good. I honestly didn't expect her to stay away, though. I was disappointed when the nurse brought me my cell phone and not Bella. I laughed when I realized her number was the only one programmed inside. It sat untouched on my beside table.

At first, I went over my options and I came to the conclusion that I couldn't allow Bella to waste her life on my useless one. I had decided that I would reconcile with my mother, so she could help with my care. I had even considered one of those nurses that comes to your house a few times a day, but I didn't really have the money for that.

As the days went by and there was still no word from Bella, I grew more and more upset. I couldn't understand the feelings I was having. I cared enough about her to know that I needed to let her go and let her have the chance to find happiness with someone else who could be what she deserves, but there was this other more selfish part of me that just fucking missed her and wanted her next to me, always. She was the only thing in the world that ever brought me any kind of happiness. Her smile, the sweet smell of her hair, her soft creamy skin, her tiny hand inside of mine - they were all things I wasn't sure I could live without, not now.

"You're in love with her. She's in love with you. What's the problem?" the overnight nurse asked after we had been discussing Bella. I had to talk to someone.

"I'm not in love with her," I said instantaneously.

The nurse laughed, "Yes, you are."

I rolled my eyes. "I think love should feel different than this."

"Different than what? You just described how beautiful she was and how she made you smile. She makes you happy. You care about her. You love her."

I choked a bit and our attention turned to the heart monitor nearby that was currently increasing in sound.

"See," the nurse beamed. "She makes your heart beat faster."

Hm. Could she be right? Even if she was, it doesn't change the fact that Bella deserves more. "But she could do so much better than me."

"She doesn't want better, she just wants you. Why are you so morbid? You act like the biggest inconvenience that ever lived."

I laughed, "Because, I am!"

"No, you're not. Your prognosis is good. You've still got some hurdles to overcome and, yes, your body will have new scars and you may have a limp but you will make a full recovery and live a normal life."

The nurse laid my bed back and refilled the glass of water on the bedside table. She set my medication in the plastic cup next to it before turning the light behind me out. "You need to tell her," she said, before she left my room.

I needed to tell her, but what did that mean? What would change for us? Was it too late? Was I ready to commit to her and to us and to stop being an asshole? I was. I just wanted to see her face. I just wanted to see her smile, and know that I caused it. I couldn't do this recovery thing without her. I didn't care what time it was, I was going to tell her.

**Bella POV:**

It was sometime after midnight when I heard my phone ringing. At least I thought it was ringing. I couldn't wake up. I was so tired. I had one too many glasses of wine and cried too many tears for my eyes to open. I ended up knocking the phone off my nightstand in my attempt to pick it up. I looked down at the brightly lit rectangle on the floor.

_Edward._

"Edward!" I screamed. I jumped out of bed, lost my footing and fell flat on my face before I finally hit the accept button on the front of my phone.

"Hello?" I answered breathlessly.

"Bella? What are you doing? Why are you out of breath? Is someone there with you?"

"Edward? What? No. There's no one here. You woke me up and I sort of fell out of the bed." His laughter warmed me. I hadn't heard it in so long. It made my heart soar.

"I'm sorry I woke you up. I just needed to tell you something."

"Okay..." I waited. There was silence on the other end of the line for a few moments before he finally spoke again.

"I'm in love with you," he said it so softly, I questioned if I heard him correctly, but I knew I did. I clutched at my chest as I tried to soothe my heart that beat so rapidly. I was at a loss for words. I literally couldn't speak.

"I love you. I'm sorry, for everything. I want you back. I need you."

I choked back a sob. "Edward, are you okay? Are you on any different medications?"

He laughed again, a hearty laugh, and it lit up my world. "I'm fine. I just realized how fucking stupid I've been and I'm tired of it."

I didn't know what to say. I was completely speechless and not entirely sure that I wasn't dreaming. "Can we talk about this tomorrow? In person? I've kind of been drinking and I'm half asleep and really confused right now."

Silence.

Silence.

Silence.

"Yeah, yeah. That's fine. I'll see you tomorrow."

The line went dead. I stared at my phone and went back through my call history to make sure that happened. He had in fact called, which meant everything I thought he just said, he likely really said.

I pulled myself up from the floor, tied my hair up, and slipped on a pair of shorts and a t-shirt and left for the hospital.


	26. Progression Ch 26

**Chapter 26:**

**Progression**

**Edward POV: **

That wasn't the reaction I was expecting. Was I wrong about all this? Maybe she didn't love me? She had to though, she wouldn't have been here all along. She wouldn't have given up so much of herself and her life to help me. Right? I felt like a complete idiot. She had clearly made up her mind, and her future didn't involve me. She had been out drinking and doing god only knows what while I sat here and freaked out about telling her I was in love with her.

I couldn't imagine my future without her. I groaned and wish I had access to alcohol. I reached over for my medication on the nightstand and swallowed it down quickly. At least it would take the edge off. I didn't know how I'd face her tomorrow, how I'd listen to her tell me that it was different for her, or that she'd changed her mind. I'd be alone forever. I'd die alone.

I don't know how much time passed before I heard the door to my room open. I woke and looked over towards the door. My room was mostly dark, but the light from the hall shadowed her figure, and I would know it anywhere.

"Bella?"

She didn't say anything. She walked towards me and crawled in bed next to me. "Shh, go back to sleep, Edward."

"But . . . I can't. What are you doing here?"

She snuggled up next to me and my arm went around her, like it was just natural, like this was normal. She rested her head on my chest and looked up at me under her lashes. "I love you, too." She reached up and kissed my chin. I couldn't hide my grin. I squeezed her next to me and slept better that night than I had any night since the accident.

**. . . **

**BPOV:**

We weren't normal. We never did anything normally or in the correct sequence. So, in the following days, not only did we make arrangements for Edward's transition home, but we also made arrangements for me to move in with him. The planning and finances involved frustrated both of us, but we tried to remain positive.

Edward was in much better spirits and he was actually thriving with his physical therapy instead of allowing it to get him down.

I was so busy with school, work, and planning for my move and Edward's return home, that I had neglected to return Esme's phone calls. So, I was quite surprised to walk into Edward's room one afternoon to find Emma sitting at the foot of his bed, both of them practically in tears, yet with smiles on their faces. "Oh, I'm sorry. I'll come back tomorrow." I tried to back out of the room, but Edward stopped me.

"No, Bella. Wait. Come in. It's okay."

I exhaled, slightly grateful that he wanted me there. I hadn't seen him all day and I wouldn't see him at all the following day due to my schedule.

I walked into the room and sat in the chair next to his bed. "Hi, Emma. It's nice to see you."

She nodded. "I'm sorry, about everything."

"It's no problem. I completely understand."

She smiled. "So, my brother seems pretty smitten with you."

I couldn't help but laugh. "He does?"

She nodded and Edward blushed. It made me laugh and I squeezed his hand. "I'm pretty smitten with him, too. I'm just glad we're finally on the same page."

Edward laughed and we all caught up for a bit before Emma said she had to get going. She got off of Edward's bed and leaned over it giving him a big hug.

"I'm so sorry about everything. I missed you so much. I love you. I'll be back, soon. Okay?"

"I love you, too, kid. Call me if you need anything."

She smiled, kissed his cheek and left after she waived to me.

I was so excited for him, that I couldn't contain the huge grin that spread across my face. "So...fill me in!"

He laughed, "We talked about everything. Every single thing. All the misunderstandings. All the suspicions about our father. Esme's intentions and beliefs. Everything I've missed out on. Did you see her? She's gorgeous and so grown up. She has a boyfriend, Bella!"

I smiled. "Good for her."

"No! I'll kill him if he hurts her. She's too young for a boyfriend."

"She is not," I said, as I rolled my eyes at him.

He was quiet for a few moments and seemed to be lost in thought. I really wasn't surprised by what he said next. "I want to see her, Bella. I think I was wrong."

I knew exactly who he was talking about. Esme.

"I think that's a good idea, but let's get home and get settled first, okay?" I didn't want any emotional set backs to ruin his progress.

"Okay. How was your day? I haven't heard form you all day."

"It was fine, but busy." I looked at my watch. "I have to go to work."

He groaned and reached out his hand to me and I went and sat next to him on his bed. "I'm never going to see you, even when we live together," he complained.

"That's not true. I'll sleep next to you every night."

"Yeah, but we'll be sleeping."

I nudged him playfully. "I'm sorry. I have to work."

He sighed, "I know."

I leaned down and kissed him. It was chaste at first, but our lips quickly parted and our tongues explored each other. He sucked my bottom lip between his teeth and it caused me to moan in delight. Things of this nature had been very frustrating to both of us lately. I think we both wanted to explore each other again, but due to his limitations, and us being in the hospital, we always stopped things before they even started, as was the case this time. I pulled away first. "I have to go," I whispered against his lips.

He nodded. "Okay, call me later."

I kissed him quickly again. "I will."

**EPOV:**

I had never been more sure and more terrified of anything in my entire life. I loved her. I loved everything about her. I would be entirely lost without her. I owed everything to her and I just wanted to be able to show her how much I loved her, but that was proving to be very difficult. Every time we started to get intimate, one of us would stop. I understand we can't go at it in the hospital, but we know the nurses schedules pretty well and know when we are sure to be alone and when not. Not that I necessarily wanted to make love to her in a hospital room; hell, I'm sure she would be the one doing most of the work anyway, and I hated that. I definitely wasn't strong enough to support myself over her, but there wasn't a day that went by that I didn't think about it. I think that's why I asked her to move in with me so quickly. I just never wanted her to go away, or to change her mind. Now that I had made the decision to allow myself to love her, I couldn't live without her.


	27. New Beginnings Ch 27

**CHAPTER 27:**

**New Beginnings **

**BPOV:**

Moving was exhausting. I didn't even own that much stuff, but doing it practically by myself with only the occasional help of Emma and her boyfriend Riley, was still a huge task. Edward let me have his uniform closet. I was shocked when he said he never wanted to return to the streets as a police officer, but I didn't dare argue with him about it. I destroyed his uniforms as he requested. I moved in a few days before Edward came back home. I had thoroughly cleaned every surface, washed the sheets, and gave the place a little bit of a woman's touch. I wanted everything to be warm and welcoming when he got home.

Esme was helping me get him home from the hospital. Once Emma told Edward that she and Esme had moved out, and into a small apartment no less, Edward knew without a doubt that what Esme had said was the truth. He had forgiven her from that moment, but I could tell he was sill sometimes unsure about her. We were both grateful for her help, though. It was easier to get Edward into her car than my truck.

By the time we got Edward to his bed, he was clearly exhausted and in a lot of pain. He still couldn't walk on his own and his leg was still mostly casted, but he could use crutches sparingly, but they preferred he still be in a wheel chair until his shoulder completely healed.

"Well, I'm just going to grab some things from my car and I'll leave you two alone," Esme said.

"Oh, I'll help you," I offered, following her out of our room. It sounded strange to refer to his bedroom as ours. Esme pulled a few brown paper bags from her trunk and handed them to me. "I made them yesterday. Just freeze what you can't eat tonight. There are about a week's worth of meals. I just wanted to try to make it easier on you two."

I couldn't help but smile. "Thank you, so much. Really, this will be a huge help."

She hugged me and kissed my cheek. "You're welcome. Take care of him, and call me if you need anything."

"I will. Thank you, again."

Esme smiled and got in her car. I went inside and stored all the goodies she made for us before I got Edward some pain medication and returned to his room.

I handed him the glass of water and two white pills.

He shook his head. "I don't want those."

"Why not? You looked like you were in pain. You're practically sweating. Let me turn the fan on." I flipped the switch for the overhead fan and offered the pills back to him.

"I don't want them, Bella," he said more firmly.

I sat them on the nightstand and sighed. "Okay, well, they're right here if you need them."

I could practically see him wincing in pain. I was frustrated by his stubbornness and left the room without another word. I knew he was grouchy when he was in pain and I didn't get why he just wouldn't take the pain killers and make himself feel better. I headed to the kitchen to heat up some of Esme's meals for dinner.

**EPOV:**

My shoulder and leg were fucking killing me. I hadn't been in this much pain since I first started physical therapy, but I was determined.

Bella was obviously clueless as to why I didn't want to take the pain pills. I didn't want to take anything that may inhibit me, sexually. I'd been dying to be alone with her, literally aching for her touch. Now, I just seemed to piss her off. How do you seduce your girlfriend when you can hardly move? I wanted to scream I was so frustrated.

I was surprised to see her come back into our room with a tray of food. "Hungry?" she asked.

"Starving," I said, meaning not only for food, but for her as well.

She set the tray down on the nightstand and helped me sit up by propping pillows up behind me. She put a pop up tray in front of me before she sat a steaming plate of lasagna down on the tray.

"Where did you get this? It looks like my mother's."

"It is." She joined me on the bed and ate beside me. "She left us some meals we could freeze and eat on for a while."

"That was nice of her."

Bella nodded, but didn't say much else.

"I'm sorry, about earlier," I offered between bites.

She only nodded her head again. There was silence between us for a while.

"Why are you being so stubborn?" she asked quietly without looking at me.

I knew it wasn't time to explain yet. "I just didn't think I needed them. I feel better now." That seemed to satisfy her and she took our plates to the kitchen when we were finished. I could hear her doing the dishes and who knew what else. It seemed like she had been gone forever. By the time she had returned to our room, it was getting late and I was watching TV. She came into the room and didn't immediately address me. She went to the nightstand and opened a drawer, pulling out a pair of shorts and a tank top. I used to keep my socks in that drawer. It dawned on me that she had really moved in and I no longer knew where all of my things were. I guess it didn't matter. She'd be dressing me for a while.

"Do you want anything to change into?" she asked.

I was wearing basketball shorts and a t-shirt. I would normally want to sleep in boxers, but I knew if she helped me change right now I'd have the biggest erection she'd ever seen and I didn't want things to start that way.

"I'm okay for now, thanks."

She disappeared into the attached bathroom much to my disappointment. I wanted to see her change clothes. I felt like I had nearly forgotten what she looked like beneath her clothes. I heard the water running before she eventually returned a few minutes later.

She had a cup of water, an empty cup, and a toothbrush that already had tooth paste on it. She handed me the toothbrush and I grabbed it with my good hand. I brushed my teeth and spit into the empty cup and rinsed with the water. I absolutely hated that she had to take care of me like this, but I knew I couldn't handle standing in front of a sink to brush my teeth on my own.

"Do you want to go to the bathroom before we go to bed?" she asked.

Normally, I would. That was typically my routine, but I knew I'd be in too much pain after using all my strength and energy to go to the bathroom.

She sensed my hesitation, although she misunderstood it. "I can get the walker," she offered.

I stopped her. "No, no. Not right now. I'm okay."

"Are you sure? You haven't been since you got home."

I was so frustrated. I wanted to rip my hair out. I fucking loved her for putting up with me and taking care of me but there was nothing fucking sexy about your girlfriend getting a walker to help you make it to the bathroom. She was always putting my needs before her own. I just wanted to make her feel good. "Bella," I said exasperated. I could tell by the look on her face that I hurt her feelings. "Fuck, I'm sorry." She began to walk away. "Bella, wait. Come here."

"I can just stay in the guest room, Edward," she said defeated, as she stood in the doorway to leave the room.

"What?! No, you're not staying in the guest room. This is your room, too. Your bed."

"But I'm clearly upsetting you. I'm just trying to help, I don't know what you want me to do," her voice cracked on the last words and I could tell she was crying. It absolutely broke me inside.

"Bella, baby, no. You're not upsetting me. It's my fault." I hated that I couldn't just get up and go to her. I fucking hated that feeling. She could walk out on me whenever she wanted. I couldn't chase her if I wanted to. "Please, come here." I patted the spot next to me on the bed.

She hesitantly joined me on the bed as she wiped away her tears. I pulled her into my side, grateful that she had coined her side of the bed on my good side. I rubbed her arm up and down and stroked her hair as she sniffled against my chest. "I'm sorry, Bella. I'm not very good at this anymore."

She looked up at me with her big brown eyes and I just wanted to melt into her. "You're not very good at what anymore?" she asked quietly.

"Well, anything, but I mostly meant relationships."

She sighed and nuzzled my neck. She felt so good next to me.

"Don't give up on us yet, Edward."

Her words surprised me. "I'm not giving up, Bella. Is that what you think?" It dawned on me that she was still likely insecure about our relationship and my feelings for her.

"I don't know what to think anymore. I can hardly read you. One minute you're happy and the next your frustrated and angry and I don't know how to make it better."

I sucked at expressing myself. I hated that she really didn't have a clue as to how much she meant to me.

"Bella," I tilted her chin up so she was looking at me. "I am so fucking grateful for everything you've done, and continue to do for me. You're the most generous and selfless human being I've ever met. Every day you amaze me more and more. I know I'm not easy to tolerate. I appreciate you and your patience more than you'll ever know."

A small smile spread across her face.

I continued, "It's just hard on me. All of it. I get frustrated at times because I want so badly to give you things or do things for you that other men could do and give you. I want to just be more self sufficient and not have to rely so much on you."

Her gaze held mine and she touched my face. I leaned into her touch. "Edward, that's what I'm here for. I'm going to take care of you and make this as easy as possible because I love you. I don't want to see you in pain or see you suffer or become frustrated. I'm doing these things because I want to help you. I don't want anything from anyone else. I only want you."

I exhaled and smiled. I kissed her and whispered, "I love you," against her lips. I could feel her smile against me.

"I love you," she whispered back. "We'll figure this out, okay?"

I nodded and pressed my lips to hers again. Her lips were cool and moist, but her tongue was warm and slippery. I wrapped my arm around her more tightly and gripped her hip before my hand slipped beneath her tank top. Feeling her warm skin against the palm of my hand made me miss her warmth and touch. I just wanted to feel her pressed against me with nothing between us. My cock was already standing at full attention. A moan escaped me when she shifted her weight even closer to me. Her hand ghosted up my chest before it found it's way around my neck and into my hair. By the time she pulled away from me, we were both breathless.

"Should we stop?" she breathed.

"I don't want to," I whispered.

"Well, I mean, is it okay if we don't?"

I tried not to laugh. "Yeah, I mean, it still works if that's what you're asking."

She giggled and it lit me up from the inside out. I grinned down at her as she moved the blanket back to reveal the bulge in my shorts.

"It certainly looks like it works, but how will we work? What if I hurt you?"

"You won't hurt me. Please, baby. I need you."

She smiled and straddled my waist. I liked that I was propped up against the pillows and could be so close to her. Her hair fell like a curtain around us as she kissed me and it took my breath away. Her heat ground into me and I wanted so badly to push up into her but I couldn't. I struggled to get her tank top off with one hand but she finally helped me.

"You're just as beautiful as I remember. Just perfect," I said as I palmed one breast and tasted the other. My hand snaked up her back, grasping her neck and pulling her down to me. Our lips captured each other's as she struggled to get my shirt off. Something like removing a shirt sounds simple, but it's more difficult when you can't raise one arm. I winced in pain when she pulled it too quickly and forced my bad arm up.

She gasped. "I'm sorry. Shit, Edward, I'm so sorry."

"It's okay. I'm okay," I winced, trying to hide how badly it actually hurt.

Bella let my shirt fall back into place and she fell against me. She lightly kissed my neck. "I just wanted to feel your skin against mine," she whispered.

If that was the only thing I could give her, I was determined to. We slowly and gently removed my shirt before she struggled to get my shorts down just enough to expose me. When her small hand gripped me, I sucked in a deep breath and struggled not to fall apart in her grasp. I couldn't even do the math on how long it had been since I had felt any kind of pleasure, especially in that area.

I quickly reached down and slipped my hand under her shorts between her folds and felt how slick they were already. I couldn't wait to be inside her. I needed to be inside her. "Take your shorts off."

She briefly lifted up and removed them before quickly climbing back on top of me. She slid herself against my hard shaft a couple of times before she lifted up to let me inside. And then I was home, where recognition dawned. I remembered that feeling of her being so tightly wound around me. She was so warm and wet and smooth and every thing I'd been dreaming about her being. She was exactly as I remembered, maybe even better.

My eyes flew open when she yelped. "What?" I asked concerned. She stopped bouncing momentarily and raised up a bit. "Your cast, it's killing me. It hurts."

The roughness of my cast was chaffing her butt. I laughed lightly before I reached behind me for a pillow and slipped it slightly under and behind her. "Is that better?" I asked.

She slid back down over my length. "Much better." She rode me in a perfect rhythm while she hugged my neck and whispered in my ear. "I missed this. I missed you. I missed being close to you like this."

Her words made me feel almost human again. Finally, I could give her something in return. I could feel normal, if only for a little while. "I missed it, too. You feel so good, baby." I felt her smile against my neck and her pace quickened. She began to moan and writhe and I knew she was about to come. It was all I could do to hang on until I knew she was almost finished.

We held each other, still one, for a long time. "Everything's going to be okay," she eventually whispered, and this time, I believed her.

. . .

**A/N: Tiny epilogue to follow. Thanks for sticking around. :) **

**Twitter: AllOrNothingKR**


	28. Our Best Mistake - Epilogue

**EPILOGUE:**

**Our Best Mistake**

In the beginning, every day was a struggle. Waking up and trying to decipher what kind of mood he would be in was a struggle. Helping him without making him feel helpless was a struggle. There were so many days when I doubted myself; when I doubted us. Esme and Emma were a huge help, but they too struggled with his mood swings.

Things eventually started to improve when his cast came off for good. He still needed a cane, but he could get around on his own. It was then, that after a huge fight, I encouraged him to start looking for a job. His disability and worker's comp benefits only took us so far and Esme could only help us so much. I felt like he was going stir crazy being home constantly. He would make me crazy, too. There wasn't a day that I came home and he wasn't there, just waiting on me and hanging on every word I said.

He finally started to come around and have his own identity when he landed a job as an SIU investigator for an insurance company. He was good at the job and it wasn't physically demanding. Most importantly, he seemed to enjoy it. I was taking graduate classes while substitute teaching.

It was during that time that our best mistake occurred. Bryson Anthony Cullen. He wasn't planned. In fact, he wasn't even acknowledged for far longer than normal. Not because I was in denial, but because I just never imagined I was pregnant. I practically had no symptoms, except my missing period, but I was so busy all the time that it didn't really dawn on me. Plus, Edward and I were almost always careful, and I was on the pill. It was Edward that commented on my chest and hips becoming curvier. I cried for two days because I thought that was a polite way of him calling me fat. After that, I took a pregnancy test just to give myself peace of mind. Then, I kept it from Edward for much longer than I should have. I was so afraid he was going to be mad at me. I was shocked at how happy he was, like - couldn't breathe - shocked.

It was just before he asked me to marry him that he admitted why he was so happy about the baby. He would be tied to me forever. He never got over his fear of me walking away from him. The thought doesn't even cross my mind now days. I couldn't imagine my life without him, and our son. Bryson was a spitting image of his father and he lit up our worlds. Edward was determined to be a better father than Carlisle and even in Bryson's short life thus far, he had far exceeded everyone's expectations.

In the beginning we were just two stubborn people that had selfishly driven our friends away and we were left with only each other. For a long time, I wasn't sure that was going to be enough. As time went on, we grew together, we forgave together, and we brought life into the world together. In the end, we were fighters, lovers, and parents. In the end, we were exactly where we wanted to be. Together, plus one.

**The End.**


End file.
